Your Opinion Doesn’t Matter Podcast
Welcome to YODM Podcast, your gateway to engaging conversations and thought-provoking debates. With every episode, we bring you a fresh perspective on a wide range of intriguing topics. Join our panel of passionate debaters as we explore the issues that matter most to you. From relationships and societal dilemmas to personal growth and pop culture, our discussions are designed to inspire curiosity, spark dialogue, and encourage you to see the world from different angles. Tune in for entertaining and enlightening conversations that leave you pondering, questioning, and wanting more. Join the YODM community, share your thoughts, and let the debates begin!
Your Opinion Doesn’t Matter Podcast
Grief, Healing, And Real Talk On Parenting
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
A lot can happen when you take a break from the mic, and we come back with zero filter and a whole lot of life lived. We start by catching up on health, recovery, and what it means to stay focused when you’re still facing surgery dates and uncertainty. Then we open up about grief, losing people who feel like brothers, and the hard truth about how alcohol addiction can pull someone away from the people who love them most.
From there, we shift into parenting and motherhood, because that’s where the real work shows up every single day. We talk about why a mother’s job never ends, what sacrifice looks like in real homes, and why kids still need their parents long after the baby stage. We also get into respect, discipline, and how social media distractions and outside opinions can make parenting harder, especially when you’re trying to raise mentally healthy kids in a loud world.
Then we hit relationships and modern dating: long-distance relationships and whether exclusivity is realistic, what “relationship” even means now, and why expectations have to be said out loud. We also debate polygamy, boundaries, and double standards, and we don’t dodge the messy topics like cheating, trust, and dealbreakers. If you like honest conversation about parenting, co-parenting, fatherhood accountability, and relationship advice that doesn’t sugarcoat reality, you’ll feel right at home here.
Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs the conversation, and leave a review. What topic should we put on the table next?
Welcome Back And Life Updates
SPEAKER_04Welcome, welcome to the Your Opinion Doesn't Matter podcast. It's been a minute. It's been a minute. I am one of the hosts, Mr. Lamont. And I'm here to my immediate left, Sherry Barry. How are you doing? I'm doing well. How are you? I'm doing good, man. I'm hanging in there. I'm hanging in there. And to my far left, Mr. Black Jesus. How are you doing, bro?
SPEAKER_03What's going on? What's going on, man? I'm good. I can't complain. How's everything with you, man?
SPEAKER_04Everything is good, man. So it's been a while, man. We didn't record in a minute, man. And people have been asking, hey, what's going on? What y'all been, you know, when y'all gonna record?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's definitely been a minute.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Yeah. How's things? What y'all been doing for these last time we were together was um for the cancer, cancer awareness month, and that was last October.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Nice. Thank you guys for coming out and supporting me.
SPEAKER_04Yes, yes. How's the process been so far since then? How you been?
SPEAKER_00I've been good. Thank God. Thank God. I'm always thanking God. Um, I've been good. I I do have another surgery coming up um in two weeks, August 26th. Um, but other than that, I have to say I've been doing well. My numbers have been good. I stay focused, I stay pretty much a blessing. And um, I'm just on that journey. Just on a journey.
SPEAKER_04Nice, nice. Still, how was your um how was how's it been for you? Matter of fact, how's the summer so far, man?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I mean, summer been uh decent. Um, I have no complaints. Um I love summertime. I get um really upbeat when I know summer's coming. I like going to the little summer dances and things and such. It's just like an upbeater time of year for me. And I really enjoy the summer. I've been out there hanging out, you know, but at the same time staying focused and handling my business, you know?
SPEAKER_00What about you, Monty?
SPEAKER_04Yes, things have been um since uh, you know, go back a little bit past summer. This it's been
Losing Friends And Alcohol Reality
SPEAKER_04ups, one down, but like a lot of ups, you know. I l I lost a very good friend of mine.
SPEAKER_00All right, they can't condolences.
SPEAKER_03I knew I knew the brother.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, so he was like damn, it was like rough for me, man. It's his brother passed two years before.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I knew both of them.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, Clinton, Clinton and Jermaine.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because Clinton and Jermaine, God bless their souls.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, when you say like people say your day ones, this is more than my day ones. These are like my brothers, like my brothers, brothers, and and it even it hurt, it hurt like it like really like when their parents came down for the service because they live in Arizona, they was wondering, say, Monty, why you didn't get up and say nothing on child's behalf. I said, I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it. The first one claim was a shocker. I couldn't, I just couldn't I just couldn't I was like, I just couldn't say anything. And then this one, it's even like I was prepared for this. I used to tell my boy But what it is is that um his name was Jermaine and he had a um a bout with alcohol and um it was it was uh I was a losing bout with him and I used to say yo bro I'm prepared for you man, I wasn't prepared for your brother. He said, What do you mean, Ma? I said I'm prepared to say words on your behalf at your service. So he already knew that he was. I knew. You just knew, okay. And he's like, Mike, what are you talking about, bro? I say, yo, man, I don't see no upside in this, man. And uh, what we what I really learned is that alcohol can make a strong man weak and make a weak man strong. You know, for us, like a strong man, he'll get addicted to alcohol and uh and a weaker man, not everybody just don't apply to everybody, but like say somebody who's like weak, and all of a sudden when they drink, they get the liquid courage and start, you know, writing checks they they butt can't carry.
SPEAKER_02I got you.
SPEAKER_04So it's like it's just it's just it's just so much that I could say, man, but I miss him. I miss him, and um I wish I could have gave him a hug. Um the day before he passed. I wish I could give him a hug because I wasn't speaking to him for a long time. Maybe that's a lot of it, right? I would speak to him. But you know what? I didn't speak to him for like probably a year, and then I started saying, like I I said he needs me. So I started getting back in touch with him the last three months. And I would block him, call him early in the morning because when I knew he's recovering, and then and then, you know, then block him. Then that was our thing, our joke. And then uh I said that I was saying to myself that he needs me, but in reality, I needed him. You know, so and um I'm glad I touched base with him and we mended our um, you know, our little friction.
SPEAKER_03Original cab, big up church avenue boys.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, we was and I think we was we was who we was before all of the names came in elementary, in like middle school. We was boys from elementary, like third grade, like you know, absolutely lifetime of friendship, yeah. Lifetime of friendship, man.
Community Programs And Teaching Kids
SPEAKER_04But on a on a positive note, um I had um I was running this uh successful basketball program for the Department of Youth and Child Development. I had did a um five-month program.
SPEAKER_03Great, giving back to the community.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, giving back to the community. And also I got in two schools. I was teaching adaptive basketball to kids with the disabilities. I was doing it. Nice. Awesome. And I was also in another school, I was doing um teaching chess and um a combination class, chess and computer science. I had a software engineer, young brother that I used to teach basketball like 10 years ago. He said he want to come back to the community and give back. So me and him, and he was like a big time like um software engineer with the government. So he says, I want to come and make things happen. And then we've been running the program and we've been doing some great things, man. We got some other programs that we're working on. But enough with me. Enough with me.
SPEAKER_00Okay, well, we we playing catch up, we we like that. We like that.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, but um, you know, I see great things, I see great things ahead. You know, when there's a lot of downs, man, but you know, you've you you really you're really happy about the ups, you know what I'm saying? And my daughter just turned eight. So it's a lot of things, man, and you know, you make a lot of things, a lot of people.
SPEAKER_02Your daughter, yeah.
Why Motherhood Never Ends
SPEAKER_00Yes, so we're gonna touch on something that I feel like as a mother that I'm here. I'm a mommy of three, and I'm all about my business. And I feel as though mother's job is never ending, it's never ending. I don't care what men want to say. A mom's job is never ending. The mothers that are mothers, because there are a lot of us that are not. Don't get offended unless it really applies to you. Um, you shouldn't be. But there are mothers that are really mothers that our job is never ending. From the time we decided to have a baby and bring this child into this world, it's never ending. Too as big as they are, you're always trying to do something for your children. And that's, you know, that's my take as a mom. My kids are five years apart from each other, and I did everything. I would get up and people will always say, Oh, she likes to party and she loves to hang out. Yes, I do. But no one can touch me when it comes to keeping my home clean and taking care of my children. I don't play those games. I did as much and anything that I can for my children. I was the woman making porridge. I was the one dropping kids off in the babysitters, picking up after school programs, and still found time for me. And I I think a lot of women don't always get the credit that they need all the time.
SPEAKER_03Not all the time. Yeah, yeah, I could definitely attest to that. I believe a woman's job is never done. I mean, I've seen it firsthand when my own mom, and I can attest to you being a mom. I see you in your natural environment around your kids, and you are an awesome mom. I'm not just saying that just to say that. You understand? Yeah, woman's job, mother's job is never done. 24-7 from the time you're born, even up to now, my mother is still mothering. You understand?
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. And also they are men, because I gotta give men credit too. They are men that are a single mom that they do their things, you know? It's just being up front and just doing what you need to do, you know. I'm not talking about women that get up because there are women that would just be like, I had a baby, and they just give them a bottle. I'm not talking about those women, or just, you know, put on clothes or they're dressing with, you know, latest Jordans and greasing their face and just be like, okay, well, my kid is dressed. I'm talking about the woman that's gonna take the time out, that gets up, that washes the clothes while you're sleeping, that's making the food from scratch, because I did that, you know, no processed food. I was making, you know, boiling food from scratch and mashing the potatoes and cooking and doing all that, combing hair, and never had no time for anything else but my children. And until my children were able to do things on their own, I did more things for myself. But that's the sacrifices that I made when I decided to have each and every one of them. And I look back and I see my three beauties, and I'm like, mm-hmm. Yes, I'm doing it, and I'll continue doing it because they still need me. Whether it's just a conversation or mom, how do I look? Or can you help me with this? My kids still come to me. So I feel like your job is never done.
SPEAKER_03We always need our mothers. We always need our mother. We always need the essence of them, the presence. Absolutely. See it. Speaking to them.
SPEAKER_04We just celebrate mothers, and I I say the mothers are are are close to closest to God to me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. They godly. Yes, yeah. They're godly figures, yes. Yeah, man. Middle people.
SPEAKER_00And and and women should know that how a man treats his mother, how he's gonna treat you, girl. Let me tell you, if he loves and respect his mother, you got a chance. If he doesn't have love and respect for his mother, girl, run. Take all your bags, your shoes, your wigs, and everything and run. Run through the door because you're gonna catch your skin. He's gonna catch your skin. Because that means he doesn't respect women. If he doesn't respect his mom, because that's his first love. Besides God, that's his first love.
SPEAKER_02Yes, first hero.
SPEAKER_00That's the first hero. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02First hero.
SPEAKER_00And if he doesn't do anything for his mom, he's not gonna run behind you. He's not gonna help you out. He's not gonna show you that. At least that's my take. On it. I'm just gonna say like this. Basically, we we as mothers, we just wanted to touch the subject on how important it is, you know, being a mother and how, you know, women that are mothers on a daily basis, the important roles that we play in our children's life. And when you see children today and seeing how much of a struggle it is, because it is a struggle today with today's children, you know, you it's important to play a big role as a mother. And mothers, we have to continue to do that job. We have to continue to fight with our children. We got to continue to show them love, especially mental mental illness is real and it's heavy out there. And as we were talking like mother's job is never done. We got to continue that. So even if you feel tired or you feel drained or you feel whatever it is, we always got to keep fighting for our children. Because I see it every day when you walk outside, or I know people personally that struggles with different things in their life and how much of a mother role is needed, you know, to wolven back in, you know. So I'm gonna just shout out to all the mothers out there that listens to us and that hear us. And if you know someone that's struggling in the areas of being a mom, you know, you know, touch her, talk to her, show her certain skills, or just, you know, try to be there because your kids need that. Your kids, you know, we say kids need mother and father, they do. But the mother love and then nurturing the hug and the kiss is just something that you can. And for the children, you know, love, love your mom, respect your mom, you know. Believe me, anything that your mom is doing is she's doing it because she sees better in you. And you're not gonna know that until she's not here anymore.
unknownDefinitely.
SPEAKER_00So, you know, take heed to it. And while she's here with you, love on her, talk on her, bug her, you know, just be there. Because believe me, it may seem sometimes that they may not want it, but believe me, they want it. We want it, we want that love, we want that hug, we want that kiss, we want the kids. The phone call. Yeah, we want the phone call. You know, it just means a lot to us, you know. Um, and we just have some parents just have different ways of showing that love.
Respect And Discipline In Social Media
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I think as time's gone by, though, I think the definition of mother has really gone down. I think right now in society, I think a lot of women have a hard time being good mothers.
SPEAKER_00That's because social media is ruining our worlds, you know. It's a distraction. It's just like everything else that we deal with, whether it's motherhood, fatherhood, you know, whether it's, you know, just life in general. We allow social media to dictate our lives, our relationships, our marriages, whatever it is. We, we, we just live on TV and you see it every day. I mean, I see it around me all the time.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I see a lot of young men being disrespectful to their mothers all around society now. Like, really like dogging their mother out, speaking to them like they're the same age. And why?
SPEAKER_00Because why you can't get to what discipline your kids? Because if you discipline them, then everybody wants to tell you how to discipline them, how to talk to them, how to do things. So mothers now are stepping back, like, you know, I don't know how to do my job.
SPEAKER_03There are other factors too, like a lot of young mothers. There's a lot of young mothers now as opposed to what we were growing up. And I think they never really know how to become, how to be a good mother. And I think sometimes when they're really young, like you can't do certain things as a mother in front of your kids. Because it's going to affect them negatively negatively, whether you realize it or not.
SPEAKER_00Like do you feel like it's respect? Because I speak on the fact that I was a young mother.
SPEAKER_03No, I mean certain things. Like, you know, right now, there's young mothers right now that that uh have a son in the house and they're bringing different guys in the house.
SPEAKER_00It's lowered self-esteem on her part.
SPEAKER_03I'm just saying.
SPEAKER_04And the mother, the mother, some a lot of times the mother she surrenders to the son. She surrenders, like, what else can I do? What can I do? He's gonna either do it outside, or he's gonna do it. He's gonna do it outside. Yeah, but I gotta do it inside my house. I mean, you know, some some there's a it's a lot of times. And then um, so see with the boys, it's like it's it's kind of it's very yeah, very, very sad to see um a woman, uh uh the mother not really trying to push for the father to be in the child. Not saying it happens all the time. I know, but I know a lot of women who fathers don't care to get in, they'd be like, hey, my baby, my my father's child, the father of my children don't want to be a part of their lives. But when you do have somebody around, just don't give up.
SPEAKER_00I can speak on all aspects because I have that, Auntie. But you know what? I I'm I don't I want to be very real with the the viewers out there. I didn't beg you to sleep with me. So I'm not gonna beg you to take care of your kid. I am not taking days off. I'm not taking you to court, I'm not running you down, and I'm not chasing you. Because I didn't chase you to sleep with you. I didn't chase you to be with a relationship, I didn't chase you for any of those things. So I'm not gonna chase you to be a father to your child. That is something that you should want. Women, a lot of you may not agree with me, but it is what it is. If you are a woman and you respect yourself and you laid down with somebody and y'all had a relationship, whether it was five minutes, ten minutes, five years, two years, whatever it was, and a child came from that and you made a decision to have a child, that that man should want to be a part of that child life. Don't give him a hard time. Don't don't do the all this extra stuff. You gotta go down because you need a dollar. Figure it out. Work together. Maybe if we just soften our tone a little bit and allow some men to just be men, they might just want to do what they need to do. But if they don't do it, just continue to take care of your children. Your kids don't always stay babies, they do grow up, they do turn into men and women. I'm not, I'm personally, I'm not taking you to court. I don't got time. My heels is not clicking downtown to finite. Women like you and take all your information and where he's at, and da da da. I didn't have to do that when I met him. I didn't have to do that when we laid down and we had sex. So why am I doing that now? This is your kid, you know it, and I know it. That kid is not gonna be a baby forever.
Fathers Showing Up And Co-Parenting
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna do the best I job, job that I can as a mother, and the type of mother I am is that I let my kid know who they father is. And the type of man that she is. He is a good man. He just made bad decisions.
SPEAKER_03So it don't no matter the situation, you want to tell the kid it's he's a good man that moved.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03That's honorable, that's honorable. That's honorable.
SPEAKER_00Because you know what I mean? Because it's not bad to me, but he can be a great person to that kid. He can develop his own relationship and learn for himself. I am not here for that.
SPEAKER_04Oh, oh, oh, I get what you're saying. You say you're not you're not gonna bash him about your relationship. I'm not gonna bash him. But but if but if if if you know he's okay, he's around the corner and he didn't want to see them for 10 years. Listen, are you gonna tell him?
SPEAKER_00I was there. Listen, this is your father. This is what it is. Do you want to have a relationship? My son said, No, I'm good. I respect it. Let's move on and let's move past. Maybe later on in in life, you might or you may not. But it's not fair to sit here and judge the man. It's not here to do, I don't know the reason why you did what you did. This is your daughter. Do you want to do what you gotta do? Yes, if you don't, that's fine too. But I don't you don't know what the person is going through. I don't want him. So I'm not here to argue about anything. I feel like when women do that because you want him and you still argue and fighting over, I don't got time for that. The only thing we gotta talk about is the children. That's it. That's it.
SPEAKER_03Co-parenting, yeah.
SPEAKER_00That's it. You gotta be figured. If you don't want to take care of your kid, you don't have to. God has given me the grace and given me the knowledge and given me the finances that I can take care of my children, and that is what I will do. That's it.
SPEAKER_03I don't even understand why a man wouldn't want to take care of his child. That's something I I never really could.
SPEAKER_00It could just be he got his own demons that he gotta deal with.
SPEAKER_04And the sad part is you gotta we hope that if it's the son, if it's the son, don't pick up on that guy. Oh, oh, my father wasn't around. He does the same thing when he gets a kid at the abandoned school repeat.
SPEAKER_00It does happen that way sometimes, but if you talk to your kid, that's where mothering comes in. If you talk to your kid and you let them know, listen, you grew up, you see how I grew up, how I grew you, it was just me alone and we were doing what we need to do. I need you to be 20 times better and be a better version. You never know. That's where conversation comes in, that's where relationship comes in between you and your children to talk these things out and guide them through the process.
SPEAKER_03Right. Right, right. Yeah, I think sometimes these fathers, if they didn't grow up with a father in their household, sometimes they have no idea how to be a father and they're just scared sometimes.
SPEAKER_00I think some men just cheat and do dirt, and when they get caught out there, they run. And that's what that's what be happening.
SPEAKER_03A small percentage.
SPEAKER_00You have, you know, goddamn small percentage.
SPEAKER_03There's a lot of percentages out there. I think there's many reasons why mad are gonna take one of responsibility.
SPEAKER_00Out there, you sleeping with me, you sleeping with her, and not one of us know about each other, and then one get pregnant, and then it's like, oh shit, my world is gonna fall apart, and you run because you're scared, because you don't want to lose everything else around you. It happens.
SPEAKER_03I don't, I'm not sold on that. You don't gotta be sold, but it's not a frequency of what happens.
SPEAKER_00It has happened.
SPEAKER_03I think it does happen, but I think that's the sole reason why men run away from.
SPEAKER_00I didn't say the sole reason. I said there's the reasons that men do that is they either in with two people, and then it happens where one gets pregnant, and you, you know, now the other household is gonna find out about it where you was when it was working, and no one knew about each other. And so now I'm gonna refrain myself because now if I gotta bring that kid around, my wife might find out, or my girlfriend might find out when no one knew that I was doing this this stuff. And the only person that suffers is the kid.
SPEAKER_04I think it's probably a small percentage that that of that type of kid. Yeah, so that's all I'm saying. Yeah, that a man is gonna be in.
SPEAKER_00I'm working with two men here.
SPEAKER_04Because you're speaking on behalf of a man. And we we men, so we don't understand it because what it is is that the man, it's gonna be a small percent of what I'm saying, that he's gonna have two women, that's he's invested, he's gonna have two children, one born in June, one born in July. Let's it's not gonna be like that. If the guy's gonna cheat, he's just not gonna, it's gonna be like, it's gonna be short term, it's not gonna be all the way invested. That's how I believe. Not to say I'm a cheater, but I don't think, I don't think it's about getting caught. I don't think it's about getting caught and running. He's gonna get caught.
SPEAKER_00So he don't even have the kid. He can get caught. He can't get caught, but when a kid, when you get when you have a kid, it complicates the situation. It complicates whatever you had going on. That's what I'm saying. Like when you have, when you you could be dating somebody, women, you know that I'm gonna talk to you guys for a minute. You could be dating somebody or talking to somebody, and he's talking to somebody else. You don't know about the girl, and you don't know, and you guys are having your relationship because that works for you guys. But the minute things start getting a little bit more in you know intense, or you start doing stuff, there's a chance that his other world might call crumbling on him. There is a chance.
SPEAKER_03Understand, but that wouldn't stop me from taking care of that kid, even if I'm doing it on the wall.
SPEAKER_00Because you are the man that you are, but there are some men that won't do it, that won't do it for whatever their reasons are. Again. They won't do it.
SPEAKER_03We're not generalizing, we're just talking about.
SPEAKER_00It's just, we're just talking. There are scenarios that it does happen, and then the only person that suffers is the kid. And that's where mothering to me comes in, where we just have to be uh open and honest, because there's nobody here that's perfect. If anybody tells me that they're the perfect mother or the perfect father, I'll look at you like, really? In life situation happened, we all go through trials and tribulations, and it's up to us of how we deal with it.
SPEAKER_03Because um, I have a personal experience with somebody's close to me, very close to me. And he just hit the kids, the kids he has kids, and he just I think he just doesn't know how to be a father. A good father, and he he he can't stand the idea of having a responsibility, and I think it just terrifies him, and he withdraws himself and he he he runs away. And in his situation, there's no other girl or anything like that. He thought he wanted to have these kids, and when the kids came, I think he was just overwhelmed and just didn't know how to handle them.
SPEAKER_00Then put a damn condom on and stop.
SPEAKER_03Well, easier said than done.
SPEAKER_04And you know the question. That's a question I always ask. Like, I I mean, in my mind, I'm like, do you have any do uh do you have friends who don't take care of their kids? Or would you consider them still your friend? Like at this age, if if I find out anybody that I know personally that's not taking care of their kid, he's not right with me.
SPEAKER_03He's not he's not right with me. I feel the same way. And there's a lot of people that we think out there taking a lot of men we think out there are good daddies and taking care. And they're on a lower, they some borderline daddies.
SPEAKER_00They dress nice, yeah, they may look nice, or they're out there taking care of some children and not taking care of some.
SPEAKER_03Giving off the persona like they're kids. And then we get like the only thing.
SPEAKER_00Because you're living your own life. You are living your lie. And you know what the lies come up? When one day, God throws a lot of things out there, and one day the kid that you just didn't want to care for might be the one kid that's there to save you or to help you out in a situation.
SPEAKER_03We don't respect bum ass dads over here. No way.
SPEAKER_04No, no father's day for you.
SPEAKER_03Bad enough. Take care of your responsibility.
SPEAKER_04They're gonna post pictures of their kid, him and the kid from um 10 years ago. Come on, give me a break, man.
SPEAKER_03We need updated pictures only. Yeah, and don't perpetrate the front like your good dad, or later on we found out that you was a little bit.
SPEAKER_00So when you tell a story, they tell it like, yeah, you know I did this.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you know I did this. There's people who have um multiple kids and different girls here, different ones here, and and they are bad parents. They are bad fathers, shall I say? And they don't take care of none of their kids. But then I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_00These also men that have different lady mothers and they take care of their children because all it is is the love for their children. They're not really there for anything else. They love their kids. That's what it should be, and that's all it should be. We gotta also take ourselves out of it all the time and just it's all about the children. When your relationship is not working, it's just not working, you gotta just cut it up and let it go and just do what you gotta do.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, even if you don't get along with this, with your kid's mom. Don't let that be uh don't let that stop you from having a relationship with your child. It's easy to say, well, you know, I'm not going. I I hear it all the time. Nah, I can't stand. I'm not out. So you stand on the stuff. So the kids, the kids something.
SPEAKER_00You stand at some, at one point you like to just take that personal thing about you and her and just take care of your child.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. We need to champion the women no matter what. They're going through whatever they go through, they can't turn their back on the kid.
SPEAKER_00We don't get to. They can't do it. We don't just get dressed and be like, I'm out, see you later. We gotta make sure we got babysitter, food is cooked, all of this stuff before we exit out the house.
SPEAKER_03And we're not male bashing. We're bigging up all the real men. The real men. All the real men that stand in the eye of the storm and take care of all the responsibilities with the burdens on their back. Yes. You know, and stand strong every day. We bigger you up, that's right. And always support. Always support.
SPEAKER_04And look, and we give a little shout out to the men who don't have kids, but they taking other, they're taking care of all the women. Well, yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_00You gotta give them that. You gotta give them that. Some of them are some seas, but we gotta give them a little proxy. I do give them that because there are a lot of men that come into women's life and they step up to the plate and they do a lot.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And it's it's it's you know, give them a shout out because that is not an easy role. It's a hard role, you know. Financially, they're there, you know, emotionally, physically, and that it's a big role. And I don't think we highlight them a lot. They don't have to do it, and they do it because of the love that they have.
SPEAKER_04So I'm I'm gonna edit out the sucker MC part. I'm gonna edit out what I feel about some of them be cornballs and be like just doing it. If they go for the women with the like three kids and they want to take care of all of them, you know what I'm saying? Four kids, like, hey, come on, bring them in. What about you? How you don't have kids? What's going on? Yeah. Well, it could be, you know, if that's if you have medical reasons.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, I mean, there's actually men that have kids won't take care of their kids. And me, the woman with kids are treat big. Better than me, oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00That's that's like you know, that's like a mental thing. You know, but and then we, you know, we we we like everything about moms and everything, and we love all that they do, especially, you know, these guys, they're big mama boys, too. So, but we're gonna slide into you know, relationships, my hot topics,
Do Long Distance Relationships Work
SPEAKER_00you know. I love these hot topics. We gotta slide into them a little bit and we're gonna talk about long distance relationships, you know. If you should or if you shouldn't be in one, and if you are when, you know, how how do you deal with it? How do you deal with it?
SPEAKER_03Um, first of all, I'm sure everybody here has been in some sort of a long distance relationship sometime in their lives. And um, due to my experience with long-distance relationships, I think there's uh many factors that come into part of whether or not it's gonna be successful. I think certain dynamics is your age, your status in life, your your closeness to God, your emphasis on being a family person, I think that all plays part, as opposed to like if you're young, if you're if you're if you're teen, twenties, and you're having a long-distance relationship, the chances of it being an exclusive long-distance relationship. I think it goes down.
SPEAKER_00It's not happening.
SPEAKER_03You understand? Especially, especially in these days of times where again with the distractions with the social media, you know what I'm saying, and all these other distractions.
SPEAKER_00Long-distance relationship is a facade. It's not, it's not, it's not happening. It's not happening. So I know it well.
SPEAKER_03You're saying there cannot be any successful long distance relationship? And when we talk about long distance, what what what exactly are we talking about? I'm saying a state-away over the sea. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_00I'm saying if you know, if you're in a different country, different, you know, different state, whatever, whatever, whatever it is, I personally just don't think that it could work. I I don't think that it could work. There's not enough FaceTime, there's not enough flights that's gonna make that work. And I've been there. Doesn't it doesn't work?
SPEAKER_03Depends on the dynamics. Now, what if it's a long-distance relationship, but there's no exclusiveness? What if it's an open long-distance relationship, meaning whenever I come over there or you come over here, I'm you're with me for that time. And then when I leave now, you you do your thing. Something like that can work.
SPEAKER_00Well, that's only if two people made that decision that that's what it is. But you know what it is, darling? Life's a bitch, excuse me. And females get involved in things and it complicates things. So you have to go into the mental into your mental, like, I'm just doing this. Like when I get off the plane, I'm going there for two days, three days, and that's it. And when I go back, I'm a different person, and that person is okay with that.
SPEAKER_03I think I think that's a conversation you could have.
SPEAKER_00That's a conversation between two adults, and if that's what they decide to do, that's fine. I'm talking about people that are in a relationship, like you're my man, and you're my woman, and you live here, and I live here, and all we're doing is catching flights back and forth.
SPEAKER_03If you're if you if you're naive enough to fool yourself to think you could see a person five, six times a year and they're just exclusively yours, I think I think that's being pretty naive. You understand?
SPEAKER_00Maybe you could be just in the bubble, because I was at a point where it was weekend after weekend and weekend, flights after flights after flight, every weekend, every weekend. You know, Monday through Friday, you're not together by Friday night, you're together until Monday or Tuesday. But the reality is you're just not That sounds taxing too. Financially, it was a lot for the you know, for the person to constantly have to, you know, buy tickets back and forth. But I'm saying it's like, were you in love or you was in love with the illusion of it? Because by the time you touch down, you're just so like, oh my God, I missed you, whatever. You're going here, you're going out to eat, you're going, you know, you're hanging out, you're doing stuff. And then before you know it, this person is back on the plane, going where you're going, or you're back on your plane and you're going where you're going. Do you really know the person? Sounds like emotional being closer to me. It doesn't work. It doesn't work.
SPEAKER_04Log distance relationship only work probably when you're young, when you got time to waste. Absolutely. When you got time to waste, but now, forget about it.
SPEAKER_00You can't keep your eye on the people that's here, and I live in Brooklyn. I don't know what my president's doing, and he lives like four blocks away or five blocks away, much less you, you know, you how many a whole plane right away. I'm not doing that.
SPEAKER_03I disagree. It can work, it just takes focus and dedication.
SPEAKER_04What? Um, we mean Brooklyn Queens, or you mean um I don't care if it's America or Africa.
SPEAKER_00It can work. It can't. It can work.
SPEAKER_03It cannot. I mean, hey you, you, you just have to you just have to be really focused.
SPEAKER_00And what what are you what are we focusing on? Let's be realistic. It's it's it's Monday. I'm going through something. I need my partner. I want to talk to her, or I want to talk to you. You video caller. You video, you video call or you talk. When you hang up the phone, you're by yourself. I'm going through something. I need my partner now. I'm feeling kind of, and I want to, you can't do anything. What do you do?
SPEAKER_01You video call up, you video call up?
SPEAKER_00That's it. That's not it.
SPEAKER_01No, no, no. Some people could do it. It's a it's a new age. It's a new age. People doing this.
SPEAKER_00Oh my God. And you see, most of these people are going through it, Sterling. It doesn't work. It doesn't work.
SPEAKER_03It works.
SPEAKER_00It's a fair argument. You can give me that. It's a fair argument. To me, I just don't see how it works.
SPEAKER_03I think it works for a small percentage of the people. What if it's a spontaneous long-distance relationship? Meaning, you know, life happens sometime. Um I'm married to you. We've been married for five years. One night I'm drunk. I drive, I hit somebody, you know, I get caught now. I'm serving four years. That becomes a long-distance relationship. Now, uh are you telling me that that can't work? If I'm doing four years away upstate New York, you can't still be there and support me for those four years?
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna tell you that it's hard and it's challenging. When you have anyone that's incarcerated, when you have anyone that's long distance, when you have anyone in those relationships, it is hard, it is toxic, and it's it's rough. It doesn't have to be toxic.
SPEAKER_03What if it's a good man that just was in a bad situation? Now he's just recording.
SPEAKER_00I'm just saying that it is hard. It's hard, it's strained. First of all, it you know what?
SPEAKER_03Let me give you a number. Two years. You telling me you can't do two years? Of course. Okay.
SPEAKER_00So it's do four years, you can do five years, you can do as many years as you want to do. It is hard.
SPEAKER_03I know it's hard, but I'm just saying it could be done.
SPEAKER_00It's different if the person was out here and you know the person and he got into a situation, and now my man is serving this amount of time versus we're dating, and our whole dating process is you getting off a plane and I'm getting on a plane. How much do you know the person? How much do you really know the person? What relationship? You so busy wanting to bang because I haven't seen you in so long, and you've done forgot that he done pissed me off last week because he didn't do this and this and that. Or he doesn't know that for so long I've been dating her for four years or five years. Her shoes, she likes her shoes turned this way because you don't have time to notice those things. Because when you get off a plane, all I want to do is hug you, kiss you, bang, call, let's go here, let's laugh and joke. It's a bubble.
SPEAKER_04That's not the reality. Think about it, still. Like, imagine what she's she's saying it on that because you you could lose, you you can't really know somebody if they're not with you all the time. Because they're gonna be on their best behavior all the time.
SPEAKER_00Those three days. I mean, I I know I know I know personally. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I know people that it has work, but they still have their struggles and they still have their stuff. And you know why? Because you didn't get the time out to know the person. I'm saying you know, okay, when I come to her house, it looks like her bed is made up. Because every time I come, her bed is made up and stuff. He don't know that this girl don't make her bed up, really don't brush her teeth, don't her, don't do that. He don't know any of those things. You know why? Because when you come, she's gonna make sure for those times that she's that you're there that everything is just the way that you want it. And the reality is when you leave, she don't make up her bag, she barely brushes her teeth, she don't even put things in place or in order, but you don't get to see those imperfections.
SPEAKER_03I think you'll talk about long distance relationships where the where the where the end game is us getting together at the end of the day. I think that's what you're talking about. I was thinking about it. There's different levels of this. Like people that have long distance relationships and they're perfectly fine with waking up and just hugging and banging and kissing together.
SPEAKER_00It's a convenience. It's still a relationship, right? Right, right. I was about to say that.
SPEAKER_03I was about to say that so let's think from that perspective. It's not we're thinking about we're thinking about the perspective about possible, get together, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Or engage or that's why I told you
Open Rules And Emotional Bubbles
SPEAKER_00there's many dynamics. Like that's gonna work. If you just meeting up and that's all we're gonna do, but coom and bang, and we just gonna work because that's what you guys both want. Then you can't even call me your girl. You call me your girl when you get off the plane, and then when you go back on, I am just Sharianne. Right, right, right. He could call you this girl. Sure. You don't have to answer. You don't have to answer. Yeah. You could do you basically, and I'm just uh please people. I'm just we're just using scenarios here. Please. I'm just saying you could call me and say this is my girl, because you know what? She picked me up from GFK or I took a cab to her. So from Friday to Sunday, that's no woman. Me and she line in with you in and we lime in and we good. When she gets back on and I go, she's whoever. You can't get mad and you can't get vexed. You can't call and say, Shaven, why you why you dressing so? Why you looking so? Why you walking? Because I don't belong to you. Is that is that where we're going with it?
SPEAKER_03I mean, I understand. I understand that part. I understand that dynamic of it. Yeah, yeah. I could understand that. But I think in this day and time, people have relationships like that, and it flourishes just because they they have an understanding and that this is what we're gonna do. You understand? So there's there's no broadened expectations. You understand? We're just doing this and we're just gonna have fun and we're gonna ride it out.
SPEAKER_00You said the exact you said the word. We're having fun. And I feel like as adult, when you get into that and that's what you want to do, anything can work because you have that understanding of this is what it is. The tricky part of it is that things change because feelings get I think we're talking more about our generation.
SPEAKER_03I don't think these kids have feelings that have feelings like that.
SPEAKER_00Well, we're talking in general because it could only put on on uh people my age.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Okay, people are people are not as sensitive as we are. Not that it's a bad thing.
SPEAKER_00I'm not sensitive. No, I'm not I'm not gonna be. You know what I told somebody yesterday? I said, I can always handle the truth. It's the lies I can't deal with. So if you tell me this is what it is, I already know what it is and I can deal with it.
SPEAKER_03I think people could disattach themselves from certain situations easier than we we could. And just turn away on the walk could you. They're different. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. In general, this scenario cut long distance could work because they could That's because they're doing everybody else.
SPEAKER_00They don't care.
SPEAKER_03I'm just saying that that's what works. That's the reality of what it is.
SPEAKER_00But I I think we gotta take relationship out of that.
SPEAKER_03It depends. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's it's many dynamics there.
SPEAKER_00That's uh we gotta really maybe we gotta pinpoint to it a little bit.
SPEAKER_03You understand what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_00We're using the word relationship, then and we're talking about relationship, then I um in my perspective, I I think it's hard. I think it can work, but I think it's hard. I think it's challenging. That's that's my take.
SPEAKER_03The final relationship, there's different meanings to relationship. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So that's what I'm saying. It it you know, it it it all depends on which angles we're looking at it and what what we're looking at. But for me, long distance relationship is is a difficult, it's a bit challenging for me. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Now, if we're gonna venture into marriage and starting a family, I think it makes it uh, yeah, the the chances of it.
SPEAKER_04But but I think that when you hear the word we're in a relationship, that's universal.
SPEAKER_00But you know, say the word you're in a relationship in this day and age. Or just a child. Oh, so I mean when I was younger, I wasn't saying nothing.
SPEAKER_04Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because I feel like when you're grown, you don't gotta be like, that's no woman, that's my man, you meet each other, you like each other, it might go that way and it might not. You don't have to come out and say, That's my man. Y'all understand.
SPEAKER_04A situation ship.
SPEAKER_03This guy could be uh me and you every weekend and y'all just having fun, and you think what when he goes back, he's telling his friends, that's my girl. You understand? I feel like his interpretation of it is just completely different.
SPEAKER_00But I think that you can have one-on-one conversation to kind of know where you at. That's just me.
SPEAKER_04I thought she was gonna say you got more than one relationship. I was gonna be like, okay, that's great.
SPEAKER_00I feel like whatever works for anyone, that's that's me. I'm I'm pro, if that works for you, you love it, I
Defining Relationship Labels And Reality
SPEAKER_00like it. How y'all feel about polygamy?
SPEAKER_04How you feel about that? Maybe not even at the point of marriage, just okay, we had girlfriend, boyfriend, but we got like, oh boy, got like two girls.
SPEAKER_00That's you know that it's it's it's happening. Yeah, that's a new way a lot. That's a new way for a lot of people. And and and a lot of people are doing it, and it worked for them. I I'm a bit selfish with mine. I uh uh I'm I said I'm a bit selfish. I'm a bit selfish.
SPEAKER_03I know, I know a few lucky guys that tell me they could go, they could, they, they, they wife say, come on, we're going out tonight, and they go to a strip club, and the wife says, Which one you like? And he goes, Um, that one right there. He says, Okay, go have a conversation with her, and they all three leave and they go home.
SPEAKER_00I mean, and that's what works for them, but that's just like we're going to hook up and they they're doing something. We're talking polygamous instead of like, oh, I'm your girl, she's your girl, and we're all living in this one household together.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00That's not for me.
SPEAKER_03You're Neo, Neo. You talk about that Neo shit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'm not, I'm not.
SPEAKER_04That's not for me. That's like I think that comes to a point where the woman is accepting that he's gonna cheat. So why not just bring the woman here? Or she just wants to follow her fantasy as well. You know, a lot of I mean, sometimes, I mean, let's sometimes you would they say you gotta get down or lay down.
SPEAKER_03I think that has a lot to do with economics. Now, if the man doing that, yes. No, no, I said I'm not doing that. But it's more accepted once the manually set, financially set, and women are more willing to be in that situation, being that you just want to take care of them financially.
SPEAKER_00Not sleeping in no house with no female and my man, and then talking about Monday, like. With you. Tuesday, I'm going next door to Karen. Next Wednesday is back. I'm not doing that. Matching pajama sets. Okay, it's her and two men.
SPEAKER_03That's sick.
SPEAKER_04That's sick. That's different. That's different. It's way different.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's sick.
SPEAKER_04That's different. That's different. That's not different as well. That's actually actually that's horrible.
SPEAKER_03That's terrible. Let's get off of that.
SPEAKER_04No, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_00Because it could happen both ways. No, it can't. I never heard of a scenario like this. Yes, yes, we've heard of it, and I've seen it. There's one woman and two men. No way. Yes, I've seen it. I don't, I don't know. Yes, I have seen it. So I'm saying it to me is disgusting either way. But why is it more acceptable on the woman's side and it's not acceptable? Either way, it's like I don't want that. Who wants that? Who as a woman, I'm not laying down with two men. This is this is sickening. And my body ain't even get a chance to breathe yet. I gotta go jump on Jack. This is crazy. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. For John to accept that, he just sitting here hearing bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Okay, but so why do I have to sit here and be like, okay, well, now it's me, and now I'm here, and you banging down Karen right next door to me. That's too much for me for my mental either. I'm not with that. I'm not with that. We're not all sitting and cooking dinner, talking about kumbaya ho hands.
SPEAKER_04We're not having the exchange of recipes.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely not. But uh, but listen. I'm good to be by myself if that's the case.
SPEAKER_04I mean, look, I mean, look, I mean, you're standing, you're standing your drowns. I hear you, but it's more, it's more likely that it'll be two women and a man than definitely never know two men and a woman.
SPEAKER_00It happened, women. You know it has happened. In one house.
SPEAKER_04Not a man.
SPEAKER_00In one house.
SPEAKER_04A man is not gonna do it. A man.
SPEAKER_00You wouldn't be surprised what a lot of men do. Don't sit here and be fooled.
SPEAKER_03But he says mad, mad. He says a man won't allow it. A man won't do it if it's if if if it's two men, I don't think that that's men. They're not doing it.
SPEAKER_00There are, I understand, but there are men that has been in that relationship. There are men that accept that. You you can living together. The same way we're talking about the women is the same way we're talking about men. It has happened. I'm just saying either way to me is sickening. That's just me. But again, to each his own. What works for to each his own. I'm not here to judge anybody or what they do, but I know that that just wouldn't work for me. Me didn't either either level. Like I can't see me as a woman having another woman and sharing a man. And I can't see me being with two men.
SPEAKER_01Me neither. And in that case, me neither. What do you mean?
SPEAKER_00It can't work, man.
SPEAKER_03No. I've totally again.
SPEAKER_00I'm saying for being a woman that can't work because that's not my style. I can't have two men on me. That's just that's too much for me. That's that's that's not woman like.
SPEAKER_03That's not women like not at this point in my life, maybe when I was younger. I got children talking about it. Crazy.
SPEAKER_00I'm going to talk about myself. But I know that I would like, and I could only be with one man at a time. That's just me. That's just me. I can't jump. I can't jump.
SPEAKER_04If you can't, if you do a survey, we do a survey, right? Of ten, ten women, your age, ten women, men, our age, and then we ask that we pose that question um to that person, like say you with the two, with with the um two women and a man, and a man with, you know, and vice versa, right? How many men would agree to it? How many men who's actually in relationships would agree to having two women? And how many are gonna be like, yeah, bring it up. But how many women would disagree or agree to be in a polygamous relationship?
SPEAKER_00I can't really speak on a women's part because surprisingly there are a lot of women that are acceptable to it. So I can't really speak on it. Like I said, to each his own. I'm just seeing that it's becoming, I hear a story and I'm like, what? What's going on? So I can't really speak on it. There are people that are just into it. But again, it's that's what works for their household.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's it comes together.
SPEAKER_00And it could be financial resources.
SPEAKER_03But Neil, they all got three women that live together. If Neil wasn't loaded, that that would never, that would never work. The girls would never agree to that.
SPEAKER_00But there are regular people. I know one person.
SPEAKER_03I know, I know what they are.
SPEAKER_00More than one person, actually, that's actually living that life, have two women, and it's just one, but he's a regular dude. He's broke, he's a he's a regular, like I said, regular dude, and he has two women.
SPEAKER_04Living together? Absolutely. Let me ask you this question. I now now this is the tricky situation. How do they look? I'm not here to judge how how big they are. Do you see it? I mean, you could people could uh you could go outside. The dynamics of it, right? Yeah, you could go outside and get two crackheads and have.
SPEAKER_00You can't say, well, okay. You know what? You can say, well, okay, maybe low self-esteem or whatever the reasons are, that they're the reasons what they but the reality is that they are women. Are they too bad? Stupid.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. If they roadkill, it's okay. It's okay. He's he's they they they they get a pass.
SPEAKER_00Maybe I got my average woman, and I ain't doing that.
SPEAKER_04No, I mean, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not roadkill. So we're not talking about you. We're talking about we talking about them roadkill, you know, probably like 700 pounds. They probably and dealing with somebody broke, homeboy bringing home Popeyes. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04But um, being broke, you're like like Sterling said, financially stable. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00There's a lot of reasons why people do the things that they do, but I feel like I'm just not into the sharing thing. I I just can't say sure. Well, you know, we we were having a discussion coming up, and and I just feel, and I'll just touch on it a little bit, and and then and just saying that like if I'm with somebody and I'm doing stuff with my partner, whatever my case may be, I need to know that I am doing that with him. I I he could be doing something with somebody else. I don't want to know it. I don't want to know it because that's gonna interrupt everything in my brain cell. I'm selfish like that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, we get you, Miss Barry. Uh we know you are like that, but there's a lot of women that are not.
SPEAKER_00There's a lot of women that would want to hear it and would want to know it. Oh, yes, no, I'm gonna get down with my people, just me and that person doing whatever it is that we want to do because that works for us, which is none of no one's business because that's what I want to do. And he probably went out and slept with somebody else, or he's doing it. I don't want to know about it. You know, I don't want to do it because I would not do what I'm doing with you, and that's just me. I don't want to know about it.
SPEAKER_04I don't want to do it. So, question you find out you're dealing with your man, and um, you find out he cheats, you're gonna give him a pass? I'm out. You still know me.
SPEAKER_03Fuck you. You damn just like that?
SPEAKER_00So you know how I get down.
SPEAKER_03I'm just accident. I don't know. You're not dealing with it.
SPEAKER_04You were supposed to be the reason he cheated. I'm out. Suppose you you was on strike, you didn't want to give him no no no stuff. Um she was mad. Because she was mad at a listen to me.
SPEAKER_00In relationships, things happen regardless. So it's not every day is a good day. And if you cheat, be smart enough, not for me to find out. That's all I'm saying. I'm not, I'm just anybody
Polygamy Boundaries And Double Standards
SPEAKER_00who knows me knows when I'm into you, I'm into you. I will go climb mountains and do what I need to do with that person. And anything that we do, he's going to be happy, trust me. Because that's how I get down. But the minute that I gotta find out that you're doing what's it alters my mind.
SPEAKER_03You actually think like a man. That's how I'm saying.
SPEAKER_00I'm just like, I can't really get into it or get down with you in a certain way because now I'm thinking, oh shit, you you're doing that with everybody. So it really bothers my mental as to how I'm gonna get down with you. That's just me. I'm not, you don't gotta worry because I'm not gonna, you you're not gonna have me and you're gonna have to be like, oh, she with Monty, oh she with Sterling. That's not happening because Sherry Barry don't get down like that. That's not me. If I'm with you, I'm with you. Monty, I'm just with Monty. I'm with Sterling, I'm just with Sterling. If it don't work out, it don't work out. And then life just gives me a different chance with someone else. That's me. But I can't know, like, all right, he's with Sherry Barry, then he turned around, he's with Chrissy, and then he just walked across the street and went to Chrissy. I'm not going to give you all of me. It's gonna alter me. You don't be like, kiss me or do this. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, of course. I agree with you. It just messes with my with my mental. I'm nothing to do with that.
SPEAKER_03I agree. I'm I'm made the merciless too. A woman cheat on me. So I am too, but I think that's a men, that's how us men, because once once the woman cheats, they're like tainted in the eyes. Yeah, we're never gonna see it understand.
SPEAKER_00You just don't see her the same way. Yeah, you know what you're saying. You don't, you don't see, I don't see him the same way. You know, it's like you develop a bond with how you you do stuff with your wife and the way that you feel, and the way you do stuff with your wife. You guys have a thing. Can you imagine her doing that with somebody?
SPEAKER_03The visuals alone are the thing, right? It's hijabi nuts.
SPEAKER_00So it's just like it doesn't matter that the person is doing what they're doing out. All I said to him was, I just don't want to know about it. I don't want to, I just don't want to know about it. I'm not saying that it's not happening. I'm not a naive, I'm not saying that it can't happen. I'm just saying I don't want to know about it. That's it.
SPEAKER_03Yes, just be careful. Just be careful, man. I hear you.
SPEAKER_00That's it. Creeping no feeling.
SPEAKER_03Have enough respect.
SPEAKER_00Because if you respect me enough that I don't know about it, then we're good. And I can I and I can I'm gonna touch on something personal. It's like with somebody, you're talking to somebody, and you love the person, you care about the person, and I saw that person do something that altered how I looked at him, and to this day, it alters how I look at him. It never was the same because you wasn't and the person turned to me and he said, Well, why you ain't come and approach me? I'm not arguing with you, I'm not fighting with you, and I'm not fighting for nothing. I saw you allow me to see something, I'm good on you. I'm good. That's her problem now. Good luck. I'm out. I'm good on that. I agree. Don't text me and say, baby, oh god, is not what you see, because all those texts came in and I was like, F you. I saw what I saw.
SPEAKER_03But I don't love she. I like you, I love you.
SPEAKER_00Yes, it's the wrong. If you love me like that, then you're supposed to protect me. You don't sit there and you go school somebody that's around the corner from me and think that there's not a chance to put it on the city.
SPEAKER_03What if alcohol is involved?
SPEAKER_00You know somebody like Sherry Berry. I know a lot of people. I may not hang with a lot of people, but I know a lot of people, and a lot of people know me. And if you put yourself in a position where somebody that might know me, see you, then you didn't love me enough. That's me. Because I'm always gonna protect.
SPEAKER_03What if the woman seduces the man?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, call me. Look, you're touching my penis. Feelings are penis. But all jokes aside, anything can happen, and I understand that, but just is on a on a realistic, I mean, we joke a lot, but on a realistic, for me, the way I am with anybody that I deal with or I care about, I'm gonna give you 150%, if not 200%, of me. And I can't alter that in my mind to know that you're somewhat giving it to somebody else. Because then it's gonna just alter how I deal with you. That's just Sherry Berry. That's just that's what you mean.
SPEAKER_04I understand. I understand Farr's that they finally understood me. I understand.
SPEAKER_03Listen, that that I understand that. We understand that's similar, but similar.
SPEAKER_00We didn't agree with her with um two men and a woman, yeah, but we agree with her with this one.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I just wanted to to touch based on what age is a good age to just like enough is enough. Like, I know men that are in their late 40s, 50s, that still want to be with like four or five different women, and it's cool, but at the at the same time, you know, just like how they say women, you know, you might get a little wrinkled, or you're not, you know, you you're not you're not as young as you used to be. Your body parts is not as young as it used to be. It happens to men too. Your balls do drop, you know? Your penis do get wrinkled, and you know, you may, when you was younger, you may be able to go for two hours straight and you know, and this and that. As you get older, um, you might go for 20 minutes, a little 30 minutes, if that you're tired, you're sleeping. A lot of things can happen. So it's like, how much how much time are you gonna keep going with through different, different, different, different women? And again, you know, when you go home, you're by yourself. If you want a cup of water, you gotta figure it out. If you sick, you gotta go. When when is a good age to be like, listen, I'm good on just finding somebody.
SPEAKER_03Now let me get into that. I think there's no right or wrong answer. There's no one answer for that. I can't say it's 40, can't say it's 35. I I believe it happens different men at different times of their lives. Like for me personally, in my mid-30s, I realized I just didn't like the dating scene anymore. You understand? And I just had, I got a feeling inside, I might sound like a little bitch right now, but yeah, I got a feeling inside that I just wanted to be with one person, and that was me in my mid-30s. 33, 34, 35. I got that feeling like I really don't want to be out here like that no more.
Cheating And The Cost Of Trust
SPEAKER_03It's taxing emotionally, it's taxing financially, and I just feel like uh I was ready to settle down and be but one woman. But that's just me. And that has a lot to do with, you know, there's again, there's different things, you know. Like a past, you know, maybe some people are late started, some people started early. I feel if you start early, you you end early. Yeah, see what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, because if you start and before you hit gear gear tennis in the 20s, you didn't. Yeah, you high speed. Yeah, you're gonna slow down, you're gonna have to slow down. You go you some people, some people have to I I don't I don't know anybody who's put in pushing that pedal to the metal from in their 20s to their 40s.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I know. No, but they are people that do it.
SPEAKER_04No, but I said I don't know anybody. What I well for me, I had to I had to stop. I had to be like, because you you it's it just like it's just like it took me longer to stop drinking liquor. And um, like, you know, okay, because I needed to stop that, and it was and it took me some time to stop being a womanizer. I said, yo, listen, I and in my 30s, I say, you know what, mid-30s, same thing. I was like, you know what? Let me get out of this. Let me let me try. Let me try.
SPEAKER_00But the dating scene is also very hard. The older you get, it's harder. It it is hard. Maybe harder for for women. I believe so. It it's hard. And you know, we were to we we we talked about a a couple of things. It's it's just hard.
SPEAKER_03You know, men's for men, uh, I believe is from like uh 21 to like 35. Yeah. Could go could go up to 40, but then after that, I believe it pretty much starts going downhill after that.
SPEAKER_00It's harder because I think sometimes you end up settling and not necessarily, you know, what you what you wanted, but it you know, you feel like, oh my god, well, I might as well because I'm getting older, or something like a situation.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I think men still have a biological clock like women sometimes.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's it's it's it's hard. It it it's hard. The older you get, it's harder to to to to date. Hey, you know, I was saying you get what's left over. Because most men are either married already, you know, or you know, black men, a lot of black men are no longer here with us. And, you know, or a lot of them are incarcerated. Um, and the ones that are out here, they're either married or they're in long-term relationships. So the few that's out here, it is very hard to pick. They, they, uh a lot of them are not smart, they're not educated, you know, a lot of them, you know, don't have it together, you know, financially. They don't know how to treat a woman. It's just a lot of things as like a little turnoff. And then, you know, then, you know, I I meet a lot of guys and half of them are half my age. Tell my yeah, baby, I like you, really.
SPEAKER_04But you know, I I think I I think I mentioned it in the text, which uh that um I had an interesting conversation um with this girl. Um, it's my my sister's friends, right? And my sister's in her 40s, that they had an actual uh a divorce party for her, right? A divorce party. A divorce party from the girl. And and then I'm like, I'm here from another homeboy say, yo, Marty, that's not, that's not, that's not like, you know, not that's not strange. People do that. So then now that same girl, right? I was joking with another friend of mine that was there, another girl, right? But everybody knows my fiance, but it's not like that. So then now, I'm just bringing it to these people. I hear. So then now the conversation goes into like um the one who just had a divorce party, she don't know me. Like, she don't know, she just barely met me, but she, you know, she's my sister's friend. So then um I found out you she's the one who had the divorce party. I'm like, okay, she's getting into my, you know, I started talking crap about uh relationships and stuff like that, right? And then I say that I say to her, I say to both of them, the way they started talking, even though I was talking about chauvin and stuff, I say the way y'all are talking, how y'all complain about men, and I bet both of y'all don't have a man, right? And then I wound up being right. So her thing was women, women, both of them say we're single by choice, right? You single by choice, but men you want don't want you. You could all all women could go out there and get a man. You could go out there and get a man, Joe Blow, but then again, go back to you settling. You settling, you know. Men and men could do the same thing. We could go out there and get roadkiller if we want. We could. I think men sell it to a female, a female. Yeah, we could people sell it. Somebody went, but when when somebody's got this the the this thing, like, oh, I could get a I could get a man if I want the single, I'm single by choice. No, you're single because the man you want don't want you.
SPEAKER_00I think I think she knows that, but she just knows that, but she feeling some type of way about single. I mean, it's hard out here. Being a single person is hard. And women can say what they want. It's hard because your choices of of men that are out here is limited. So it is it is a difficult task. And it has nothing to do with who you are as a woman and what you are. It's just it's just hard. The choices out here is is hard. And a lot of men don't know how to date. They don't know, you know, like the younger generation, younger girls than me, what we're asking for, they're not asking for. They just care for some long weave and their nails done, and you know, they're good.
SPEAKER_03The dating etiquette has definitely changed.
SPEAKER_00It's just different. So men don't really know when they coming at you, they're not saying, hey, you know, can we go and get, you know, coffee or tea and sit down and talk? And that they don't even know how to have a conversation. They don't even know how to have a conversation. They can't talk about anything out.
SPEAKER_03That can we get coffee and tea? That's not really realistic.
SPEAKER_00It is realistic. Starbucks is expensive for. Starbucks. Okay.
SPEAKER_04But you know, I mean, I go not, I go.
SPEAKER_00You can have a seven dollar coffee that's $14 a piece, and we can sit down and talk and laugh and joke, but nobody wants to do that. But you could call me and tell me how my leg is good and my tea and my toe good and this good, and now you want to do this to me, and all you want to, and you feel like that's a conversation. That's I don't want to, I don't want to have that conversation.
SPEAKER_03I just met you. That's a new generation, yeah. That's why I said they don't know. This is a new generation, like girl, I eat your gut and your pussy loaf. This is a new time. This is a new term. What but that's not but women go wiggle do accept.
SPEAKER_00And there's some women that accept not women, but not a lot. I have to say some because I don't accept that shit. Okay. They're not talking about spiritual. No, but I'm saying because you're gonna see text and like, no, not you taking it personally. No, I'm not taking it personally. I'm just saying I don't accept, I'm talking because I'm a single woman. So I'm talking as not all single women right.
SPEAKER_03Never said all. You said all. I said most. Most keyword most most. Most.
SPEAKER_00But I just feel like that that's like that's not a conversation that you know I want to hear on the first time meeting you. You know, you don't even know.
SPEAKER_03But how would he know that when he said that to two other women that they accepted it? He's not gonna think anything is wrong with it. Yeah, you understand?
SPEAKER_00Well, you're gonna know when you when you dial my number. When you text me or something and you don't hear my response, first of all, part of getting to know somebody is when you have the dialogue, right? Because when you're having a dialogue and then you kind of know, okay, this one I can say this to this one I don't think I can say. That's the part of talking I was talking about. But y'all don't get the time to think about that because you're too busy watching what you want to do to somebody front.
SPEAKER_03Dialogue is not a big part of relationships anymore. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I mean well, I mean it's not definitely changed. No, I'm no, no, no.
SPEAKER_03I think game, you don't need you don't need guys, don't need any game anymore. It's it's you don't you don't really so you think it's easier now or part of back in our days?
SPEAKER_04Easier now, it's the same sh same thing.
SPEAKER_03I'm it's it's I think it's easier now. You think it's easier now? I think it's easier now, especially if you got some cash. I think it's easier now. You got some kind of status?
SPEAKER_00I think it's cash. It's easier to have sex.
Dating Standards As We Get Older
SPEAKER_00Not easier to to to to date.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, but what's you consider dating? What's dating to you?
SPEAKER_00Dating. To me, I want to get dressed up and I want to go out to dates. Yeah, I mean I want to go out to eat. I want to sit down and talk. We might go to a play. We might go to the movies. We might be realistic.
SPEAKER_03You're talking about a play. You're not being realistic.
SPEAKER_00No, I am being realistic because there are men that does that. I'm just saying to you that there are men that does that. If you he asked me a question, what do you think about? That's what I think. And you don't always have to, we could go by you and sit down and watch a movie and we can we can chill. If you have a couch to sit down on that chill.
SPEAKER_05Why not?
SPEAKER_00Why not? You know, I feel like you as an adult, you could decide what your dating can be. You know, you we can all decide what relationship is, right?
SPEAKER_03What you accept for that.
SPEAKER_00What you accept, or what you accept for dating.
SPEAKER_03You know, your standard, your dating standard.
SPEAKER_00What you want. And if I say that I don't want to talk about that, I don't want to talk about that. If I don't want to do that, I don't want to do that. I should be allowed to say what makes me comfortable and what doesn't make me comfortable. You know, the same way we talked about you don't want to know that your woman is being doing it. Who wants to date somebody that she's so loose? All you're gonna want to do is bang her. And if you want to do that, I'm that woman that says this is all I want to do, and that's it. Say that. Let's me know.
SPEAKER_03Who wouldn't want that? A lot of guys would want that.
SPEAKER_00Just be up front.
SPEAKER_03Different folks, you know.
SPEAKER_00So we're gonna have to keep hitting on the subjects of relationship because this is what we do. And, you know, we all have different perspectives, and I also have it the hardest because I'm between two mates here. Right, right, right. You know, you know, two married men here. It is what it is, you know, right, but you know, we do hit on relationships and we like talking about relationships and we have different perspectives on relationships. And I think some of our viewers can, you know, they'll like it and you know they can give their feedback. We love feedback. We love feedbacks, we love feedback.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, and it's just healthy. We have healthy debates here. That's right. Healthy debates here, man. If you know people have any questions that, you know, they want us to talk about any subjects. Any subjects. Any subjects. And if you feel brave enough to come, you're if you woman, you want to defend Sherry, come sit, come sit over here. You could get you could get, you know, put you on the grill over there. She's not on the grill, though. But you're gonna be the special guest. We got a barbecue pit right over there to put you in. But now I'm joking, though. If you want to come on the show, y'all want to talk and discuss some things, you know, if you against what we said. We could dialogue all day. Yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely, definitely. Yeah, so um, we had a great show, great show. You know, we didn't um record
Listener Questions And Final Thoughts
SPEAKER_04in a long time. Yeah. Been a minute. Life's been life and for all of us. We've been doing our own thing, man. And I'm I'm happy to see y'all. I'm really happy to see y'all, you know.
SPEAKER_03Likewise, likewise, brother.
SPEAKER_04Thank you, man. It's been a good thing, good thing. You know, we back, we back, we back like we never left. Anybody got any part words?
SPEAKER_00Um, it's just been great. It's really nice to get back. Um, I want to always keep nice, interesting, juicy topics on the table so that we can always keep engaging and we learn from each other on here. You know, the views are all taken and and we like it, and we just want to keep that going, and we want you guys to continue on to keep us motivated and keep coming in with different things so that we can keep going and keep this going.
SPEAKER_03Me, I'm gonna keep it short and sweet. It was a pleasure. It's been a long time coming that we're back together and we're we're back in action. Um, shout out to Sherry Berry, shout out to Monty, and let's just get this thing rolling. Peace and God.
SPEAKER_04It's nice. Yeah. Peace out, y'all. Peace, peace, peace.