Reflections on Family and Aging

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome. Welcome to the your Opinion Doesn't Matter podcast. I am one of the hosts, mr Lamont, and I'm here with the unusual suspects To my left. Sherri-ann, how are you doing?

Speaker 2 0:14

I'm doing well, Sherri-Berry.

Speaker 1 0:17

Sherri-Berry man, Forgive me, forgive me.

Speaker 2 0:19

Sherri-Berry is the one from this beautiful city.

Speaker 1 0:23

Yes and none other. Black Jesus Sterling. How are you doing?

Speaker 3 0:28

bro. Yes, yes, I'm good. Happy holidays to the whole cast. Hope y'all had a wonderful holiday. Good to be here with y'all. Same to you, same to you.

Speaker 1 0:34

And we have a new. You know my expert opinion, no, or his expert opinion, lem. How are you doing?

Speaker 4 0:42

I'm good. I'm good, I'm happy to be here. Yes, it's an oldie, but a goodie.

Speaker 1 0:47

Yes, he's new to the panel, you know he's going to bring some.

Speaker 4 0:53

you know his little spunk and his flair Back with a little talk His flair Watch it.

Speaker 1 0:57

Yeah, I should put the video with the Belba of the Vogue. Oh God, you're not going with it. Yes, but yes, yes, it's going to be fun. Okay, christmas passed and you know we're almost entering the new year. How was Christmas for y'all? How was things?

Speaker 2 1:13

Christmas was sad but good. Unfortunately for my family, we had two losses I lost my sister and I lost my cousin.

Speaker 3 1:28

Oh condolences, oh condolences. Sorry to hear that.

Speaker 2 1:31

Within a week. So the holidays are very, very hard, you know, just seeing my uncle go through what he's going through, but so grateful for so many things and you know I so grateful for so many things and you know I made it the best as possible. My kids had a good time. Everybody got what they wanted, so Santa was good to everyone. So I am grateful. I'm grateful for my parents.

Speaker 3 1:56

How was your story? Yes, I kind of share the same perspective. I mean, inside the household it was a good Christmas for us, for the family, for the kids. You know the kids got what they wanted, the wife got what they want and everybody was happy. And I mean it hit my pockets a little deep monetary-wise, but you know that's what Christmas is about. But as far as seeing my extended family you know Sherry Berry is my cousin I see the mourning and the sadness it was going through. You know that kind of brought me down, but you know that's the reality of life and you know. But again my deepest condolences goes out to Sherry Berry and her sister and her cousin, because they're my family too.

Speaker 1 2:35

And how about you Liv?

Speaker 4 2:37

It was good. My Christmas is a little slow now, you know it's pretty small. Slow now, you know, uh, it's pretty small, you know I'm I, I talked to my wife about it and I'm like you know, my christmas is on the same anymore, since there's only one small child around. So but seeing the joy of him, you know, getting his gifts and his excitement, you know it was it was a good thing, but you know it's, all in all, it's a good christ know it was a good thing, but you know, all in all, it was a good Christmas.

Speaker 1 3:06

Well, mine was pretty interesting. Christmas was regular, like you know, as far as that particular day with my daughter, she had, you know, getting a lot of gifts and stuff like that. But Christmas Eve it was by the in-laws Things just you know, ate a lot, so forth and so on. But one thing the day after christmas, that was, um, something that like moved me in a way. I had went to my fiance's aunt she's in an assistant living house and and I went and I went there and it was like we bought her food, like food from christmas, and it was like it was like it was like so feeling so down in there, like you know people, a lot of people in the um, you know wheelchairs, and it was just like.

Speaker 1 3:48

it was just a sad feeling, like sad feeling, and when she saw it she just started, she just started screaming like, ah, you know, like happy and happiness it's happy and it was like it was a, it was, it was very moving and it was very moving and I felt I need to, I need to start being more active, like far as when this new year start, I'm gonna start, I'm gonna start giving back. Actually, I inquired to actually start going there and, um, you know, doing like bringing my game to do, probably debating with them, or even playing chess.

Speaker 1 4:16

Oh, they pointed it out saying this guy, this guy over there, play chess. All right, you know, I'll come in and I'll play chess with y'all, you, you know, so forth and so on. So that was pretty interesting.

Speaker 3 4:26

That was pretty interesting and she was probably one of the lucky ones that got visitors on Christmas. Right, right, right.

Speaker 1 4:31

And I seen a guy. I seen this guy, he was looking younger than me in there and I'm like and they had people had nobody.

Speaker 4 4:38

Yeah, that's tough.

Speaker 1 4:39

And even though they said a lot of people was there yesterday but like I mean like, like, how you could? I don't understand how you could have family and they keep them there.

Speaker 2 4:48

Yeah.

Speaker 1 4:49

And I mean.

Speaker 3 4:51

I mean different, different different.

Speaker 1 4:54

I can't call it but it's rough, it's a hard subject because we know someone that's in here.

Speaker 4 4:59

Yeah, it's a hard thing, man. He's young so it's hard. You know it's a hard thing.

Speaker 2 5:06

It's hard, you know it's a hard thing.

Speaker 1 5:07

Um it's hard, especially when I go see him and knowing how I know him and seeing him there.

Speaker 2 5:10

It's, it's hard, but you know life happens and life be life in, and you know we never know what's gonna happen and that's what people should take into consideration in those places right.

Speaker 3 5:21

You never know. When you're in a situation like that, the biggest thing that keeps you going is the support of your family right right, even if you're in there, if they come and support you, it's not going to feel that bad. But a lot of times when you're in a situation like that, they kind of abandon you and leave you under the care of the facility, which which will leave you down in the press and yeah, I feel you're not going to last long in a situation like that. Yeah, that's.

Speaker 4 5:43

It's why we're talking about this, because, um, my uncle, recently, uh, he had a stroke a few months back, about six months ago. He had all his faculties and everything together to the point where they didn't even know he had a stroke. He was in his house with his wife, his children and no one knew he had a stroke. What happened is he got out of bed and he fell and he's like something's going on my left leg. But he's talking to you no speech impediment, nothing to determine he had a stroke. He stayed in the house for like 48 hours, talking, eating, carrying on normal, but he's like something's up with my I just my leg is just not functioning.

Speaker 4 6:26

Finally, they decided, you know what, let me just take him in. They took him in. They'd like he had a stroke. They put him into a facility, a rehab facility. Like I said, cognitive skills, everything was on point. He stayed in the facility about six to eight weeks he started to deteriorate, because you're in one of those facilities and this particular facility wasn't taking care of him, obviously, the way they're supposed to. So, from the time he had the stroke, where he was himself, to coming home, he deteriorated.

Speaker 1 7:03

And what happened? He's still in there. No, he's home now. You know what's so bugged, what you're saying I was like you know, not to really keep speaking about this, but when I was there they was giving out cupcakes and stuff like that. But the lady was like I really wanted to be there because there's a lady, she didn't care. You're just like six donuts. You're not telling people what donuts they want, you're just shoving up. You're shoving any donut. Maybe they don't want that. You know you got to take this, take this, take this.

Speaker 4 7:31

All in all, that's why these type of facilities Unfortunately, we have family members that may be in need of extra care Right that you can't provide in the home, that is realistic Right that you can't provide in the home, that is realistic Right, and these are the decisions we have to make these days.

Speaker 1 7:47

Yeah.

Speaker 4 7:48

I was in the same position myself. My mother wasn't didn't go into any home. We didn't do that. However, the responsibility of taking care of someone when they're aging or they're ailing is a huge responsibility, definitely Right. When they're aging or they're ailing is a huge responsibility, definitely right. Um and um, we were watching something about, you know, certain blue zones. There's a place, places called blue zones. That's where places in the world where people live the longest right, they have the longest life expectancies when they're in the facilities, no, in outside.

Speaker 1 8:22

in general, Blue zones.

Speaker 4 8:25

There's many different spots throughout the world that they call blue zones because the life expectancies in these places people live long lives. Part of the reason why is that in a lot of blue zones, elderly people are not put in facilities. They are put to stay with the young, and the young show them so much respect that it extends their lives and help them, lift their morale, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 8:49

Or even animals. They give them animals to um.

Speaker 4 8:51

These are called blue zones. So it's die, and none of these blue zones are in modern places. Yes, yes, like you would think, america said oh, we have a long life expectancy because they just put us on drugs. These places are third world countries, of course. They have people with life expectancies of over 100 years. It's because they care for their elderly, yeah, and they respect their elderly, yeah, and they make sure that they stay yes yeah, that's what

Speaker 2 9:16

we believe in that's what we believe in and that's that's extends life yeah.

Speaker 3 9:21

so as we move on, we're all talking about, uh, holiday season and all the relationships we have with significant others and our family, and I just wanted to kind of Use that to talk about, you know, our wise girlfriend, things of that sort, and how we go about, you know, coupling up with people like that. So I'm a true believer through experience, that you know, when we grow up, we all have a notion of who you know. I see Whitney Houston or Whitney Houston is going to be my wife. I want to marry somebody like Whitney Houston. Or you have a certain girl in your class. I had a few with them. I'm like yo, I want to marry her. She's so beautiful.

Speaker 3 10:03

But life never works out like that and in the most cases, the people that you're madly in love with, even if you get to be with them, they really don't give that love back. So I'm a true believer now that you must love those who love you and I think that gives more of a valid relationship where you reciprocate the same love that you're giving back. And I just want to ask people on the panel how do you feel about loving those who love you? Because I'm a big, I'm a big follower of those who love you. You know what I'm saying. How do you feel about it? Anybody here?

Speaker 2 10:37

I'm a charmer. I feel like you never know when you, when you, when you in, it is true what you're saying and that is the ideal that we all want to run by. But when you love somebody, you put in everything in the person.

Speaker 2 10:54

Sometimes it takes a a while for you to catch on, if you understand what I'm saying yes so it's like, you know, I, I can love who I love and I'm putting everything that I want to put into that person. You on the outside is saying, well damn, this girl loved this guy, but I'm not seeing him. You know, doing and reciprocating as much as she's, but I didn't get it yet because I'm so in love.

Speaker 4 11:22

Love is a dangerous.

Speaker 2 11:23

It is a dangerous thing.

Speaker 2 11:25

Love kills you when you truly love somebody you can tell somebody, you love them, but when you're in love it's a different perspective on everything, and I'm going to hit our audience with this. Is that I was a girl that I don't care, you don't like me, I don't like you. Next, keeps it moving. I don't got time. You cheat Whatever. Nigga. That was me.

Speaker 2 11:53

And I'ma just touch on saying it took me honestly to find somebody that I really love and I really love the person that I'm talking about and I truly care about that person. And it also took me getting sick and being down to realize that when you in love, you really in love. So maybe on the outside people might say, oh well, I don't see him putting the you know the energy or whatever. That's your opinion and it's you know it's your opinion. But when you love somebody and you deep in love, you don't always see that it's a good, it's a good gesture, but you don't always see it because you're so into that person. I only see that person. So you could tell me I got him water and he didn't get me water, so what? I love him.

Speaker 2 12:43

Yes, it water and he didn't get me water. So what? I love him.

Speaker 3 12:46

It don't matter, would that be?

Speaker 1 12:48

settling, like when you say you love who love you? Not you anybody, I'm talking about. When you say you love who loves you. What does that mean?

Speaker 3 12:54

I think when you're in love it puts you at a disadvantage sometimes, especially when you're overflowing with it and the other person sees that, they kind of can take advantage of the situation. And I've seen it happen many times. It's human nature. If you know a girl that's really sweating you and you know, no matter what, she's deeply in love with you, as human nature, as a man, you're going to push it. You're going to push it to see how much she's going to take.

Speaker 4 13:17

You understand what I'm saying, see, but then you could end up losing on love.

Speaker 4 13:26

See, losing on love, see, but that's the point. So the thing is about love, right? I think we we probably gonna probably all agree upon this. Love means different things at different stages in your life. When you're younger, you have a perspective of love that's different than when you were older. Of course, that's why it's very challenging to be in relationships for long periods of time, especially when you're starting off in adolescence, like you'll see, people who got married very young, 21. By the time they're 45. They went out. Yes, because that person now you've evolved.

Speaker 4 14:01

If that person's not following you in your evolution, that could be a challenge. If you look back at your 21-year-old self and the person you were in love with at 21, if you met him today, would you love him? No, absolutely not. So our feelings on what love is changes in different phases of life. You just talked about a challenging situation where you got a chance to understand how much you love this person, because it became crystal clear in time of crisis. Before that, you might be like taking it for granted of who this person is until they show up. So love is an evolution, evolutionary change in life.

Speaker 4 14:50

Different things mean different things. Now, as we're talking about love who love you. You brought up settling. That may be a perspective from a person that hasn't understood what love is or doesn't love themselves. Yet when you start to love yourself, you end up being able to see who means what to you, and it's normally people that begin to show up. If you're smart, a person that shows up for you you become to stand in love. When we fall in love is for people that maybe mistreat us and we're attracted to a negative energy Right Falling in love with some sort of perception of what love should be, just because there's a lustful energy or we got caught up into it.

Speaker 2 15:38

There's a difference between love and lust.

Speaker 4 15:39

Yes, but a lot of people misconstrue them.

Speaker 2 15:42

Especially when we're young. Yeah, they think of the same thing, especially when we're young.

Speaker 4 15:45

They think of the same things, especially when we're young. Infatuation, yes, that lustful energy, that, that lustful energy, that shit lasts only for a little while. So now you pointed it out, sterl. You said you know, because, especially with men we discuss this off camera A lot of times with men, when a woman is doing too much, especially in our youthful years, we're like hold on, hold on, hold on. It's a little overwhelming. Hold on now. That's not what we want. We kind of want, want the energy like I don't give a fuck about you.

Speaker 4 16:17

We're more attracted to that yeah, yeah, because we got so much validation from dealing with different women. But as you get older, that person that stands up for you and is there, like you want to play the food, of course I'll call in to check on you. Yeah, I want to do this.

Speaker 2 16:32

Things that we thought were overwhelming is now something that we look for as a standard, but a man knows when he's ready to be in love. I feel like. I feel like I could be wrong.

Speaker 2 16:47

No, you're not wrong, I'm just saying that a man sometimes knows like, okay, I want to give this a chance, because you could like somebody and you could say, I think she's pretty, she meets all the standards on the physical attribute. You're looking at her, you're like, okay, she's sexy, she carries herself nicely and stuff like that, and you could fall in love with that. But then when it comes in and I said that, said that to you, I said there's women that I know of personally. These girls don't cook, these girls don't clean. These girls nails is always done, hair's always done, body is nice, but they don't know how to keep and how we how. I know when you. You know you have to know how to cook, you have to know how to clean, you have to know how to keep and how. I know you have to know how to cook. You have to know how to clean, you have to know how to carry yourself.

Speaker 4 17:40

When I check off all those boxes, I always say I check off those boxes. I can dress.

Speaker 2 17:44

I think I can dress. I think I put myself together nicely. I like my nails done, my hair done. You can eat off my floor. I know how to cook. I know how to keep a man. I know what a man needs.

Speaker 3 17:57

And you raise respectable kids.

Speaker 2 17:59

Yes, my kids have to know, even if that's not your father.

Speaker 1 18:03

Good morning good afternoon and give respect and know how to do those things.

Speaker 2 18:07

We don't get the rings.

Speaker 1 18:10

We don't get the ring.

Speaker 4 18:12

No, you can't.

Speaker 2 18:13

I can only speak off of what.

Speaker 4 18:14

I've been.

Speaker 2 18:15

We don't get the rings, we still fighting for that to be, you know, okay, to be the wife you say oh, that's my wifey, or that's this, but you're not giving me the ring when you come, your plate gets served. You're not just getting bully beef and rice, bully beef and rice not just getting bully beef and rice.

Speaker 4 18:48

Unfortunately, I I talk about this all the time I have these conversations with, with female friends, my, my, my, unfortunately, due to society and environment that we have grown up in men take a very long time to mature before they can understand that that's important.

Speaker 2 19:05

Even older men don't always change no, no, no.

Speaker 4 19:09

Hold on, age is not maturity as far as I'm concerned.

Speaker 4 19:13

You know what I call old men with those mentalities Grown ass babies. Okay, because it takes a long time for men to appreciate that. So what you're saying are things that if a man is emotionally mature he can appreciate, right. We're using terms like fall in love. I'm talking about like traumas. Men are attracted to people that don't treat them right Women too. That's why you always hear the bad boy image oh, I want a bad boy, bad boy, bad boy. All of that is childish mentality. A man wanted a woman that challenges him to the point where he don't know where she at. That turns him on. A woman who wants a bad boy don't know what he doing if he working, but he have money and he have a car, but she don't know where it coming from. All of these are people with edges, right that opposite sexes are attracted to, and then they're looking past the stable guy who might be a little geeky, or the woman that's going to cook the food, but you can be attracted to the people.

Speaker 4 20:13

People still want people with an edge. It's for some reason people are drawn to people. They can't have a grasp on A woman who my father said this years ago and he told me. He said you have to be an any hours man and I was like what do you mean by that? He said even if you come off of work 6 o'clock, don't come home at 6.15 every day.

Speaker 3 20:40

you have to have an element of unpredictability come home 7.15 next day come home 9.

Speaker 2 20:47

Friday come home at 6? You should not, because the one time you show up late that's going to be a problem. I believe in that.

Speaker 4 20:54

No, you don't want her to have that edge on you.

Speaker 3 20:55

Because, the one time you show up late, it's bacchanal. I believe in that. Yeah, I'm an advocate of that.

Speaker 4 20:58

And that's the edge you got to have. I'm not saying you got to make her pace around at night, all night, but you cannot have predictability because people like an edge, just like when your woman calls you.

Speaker 3 21:10

You don't pick up the phone every time the woman calls you.

Speaker 4 21:13

Can't be too accessible. Yes, can't be too accessible.

Speaker 1 21:16

I don't agree, though I don't agree with you. Got to love who love you. Suppose two women love you. What do you do? What you?

Speaker 2 21:22

doing that. These two women love you. I'm just saying Know what I'm saying, so what, so what?

Speaker 1 21:28

But but no, I don't believe that. I don't believe. I believe it's going to happen. It's going to happen. You don't love them just because they love you. I don't believe that.

Speaker 2 21:35

I don't know if that's what y'all said no no no, no, what I'm saying when you're in a relationship or you like somebody, and what we were talking about, me and Sterling, we were saying when you're with somebody and you're showing more love to that person, that that person is showing to you, but you're still.

Speaker 1 21:54

You're forcing it kind of because you're like doing the most to be in love with that person, but that person is not showing you the love and then when you exit, and you might see somebody that likes you but they don't meet all the qualifications.

Speaker 2 22:07

But they got everything, all the boxes checked off like they're loving you. That's who you need to show the most love to, because that person is actually showing you love.

Speaker 1 22:19

That's the perspective. That's the perspective. Let's be clear Once again that's the perspective. That you coming at it like, okay, you know you're putting a lot into this and this person's not reciprocating, of course, so you be like all. So you'd be like all right. No, this person don't love me like I love her. So then I'm out, that's what you mean by when you say love love love. They mean give it equal, equal kill.

Speaker 3 22:39

Yeah, it's like that movie Somebody that is going to give you a woman is going to give you 85%.

Speaker 1 22:43

Right, I didn't understand. I thought you said you were walking. I think there's more to it too.

Speaker 2 22:56

Let me elaborate. I forgot that movie too. What was that movie Sterl? I forgot that movie with Janet Jackson.

Speaker 4 22:59

When he gave her the indecent proposal. We talked about that from the last year, elaborating on love who love you also. Really, I think, to bring it all together, the reason why we're saying love who love you is meaning don't look for the greener grass. That's what love who love you means. If this person loved me, then I shouldn't be looking further than that past. That Love who love you because you said, isn't a settling right. When people say I'm settling, that means they believe there's something better than that. They're looking past what's on their plate and what's right in front of them A person who's caring for them, loving them.

Speaker 2 23:37

But they're like you know, we're missing them, Because if I'm giving you all of that and you're not showing me back, then you're not. There's something missing.

Navigating Relationship Changes With Sensitivity

Speaker 4 23:46

Something in the person that's looking past you. If that person becomes the person they should be meaning. Here's all the person with all the attributes here. Right, it has to be something simplistic that means what they're not physically totally my type. Or I have a checklist that a person didn't check off one or two boxes. So I'm looking for someone that has these attributes but is more physically appealing to me Because loving who loves you and you're looking past it if you're looking for something else, by him saying you're settling.

Speaker 2 24:22

How about when you're in a relationship and the person that you met checked off all the box when you first met and you're going, and you know, when you've been with somebody for a long period of time, people change their physical body, changes Maybe the way they, you know some women, they get complacent. They, you know, if they used to go to the gym, now they're not going to the gym. If she used to do her hair and that something turned him on, now she feels like a ponytail is just is just good enough, and those things. What do you do?

Speaker 4 24:54

What do you do? Get him involved? What do you do? Or?

Speaker 2 24:57

some men don't say anything, which I think is wrong. I feel like if you love the person, it's a serious conversation that you need to have. Like, babe, I don't like the way that you look and women don't take it as a negative thing Open your ears and listen. Another thing I've learned is stop listening to yourself and listen to your partner, because he's telling you something in between those lines that he's saying.

Speaker 2 25:20

If he says you know, I don't like the way you do this, or I don't like that, or he said that more than once or twice, take note to it because he's actually hinting you to things that he. Or if he says I'm'm gonna leave and you're not taking note, he's telling you that because that's the, that's the way or the direction that he's leaving. So and I could only say that, because those are situations in life, that real shit that happens- to people has happened to me.

Speaker 2 25:46

So it's like, if you love the person, start taking note, mental note to what the person is saying. He's not always a down thing.

Speaker 2 25:54

Like he's not always downing you, he's probably really telling you this because he loves you and he's saying to you I'm at my with and without saying I'm at my with and pay attention, ring the bell, pay attention and start taking notes. So if you caught going to sleep with his t-shirt all the time, he's like babe, this damn t-shirt thing ain't working, you know, and you're like that's my comfortability, come out of your comfortability because the t-shirt shit is not working.

Speaker 3 26:24

So sometimes it's not even what you say is how you say it.

Speaker 4 26:28

That's true Delivery.

Speaker 3 26:29

Yeah, it's about the delivery and sometimes you want to be a little sensitive to the woman. So if you see if the woman's becoming a little overweight, you know, do a little thing like baby. You know, let's go jogging. Let's go to the gym or she's going to bed with these big panties on. Oh shit, you rip them up and throw them out and you go to. Victoria's Secret and you buy some new panties and you buy some new lingerie.

Speaker 3 26:53

It's a gift, you know. Try that one so you have to like again. It's not what you say, how you say it. Sometimes you got to. You know women are sensitive and you don't want to be too harsh, but it depends on your relationship too.

Speaker 2 27:05

It depends too, because if we coolers and we could talk about everything. Hit me right, tell me right away, because I don't want to come in every day doing something and you really unhappy with this, but you're biting your tongue, because it goes with friendship, it goes with relationship, it goes with everything. If I didn't know that you didn't check for me and I'm doing everything the same thing how am I going to know that you didn't check?

Speaker 3 27:29

for me, sherri-ann, it's time, I agree. But it's tough to talk to women, sometimes Not all women Not all women Hold on.

Speaker 2 27:36

It all depends on the relationship 95% of the time.

Speaker 1 27:39

it's hard to talk to women, so I'll chime in.

Speaker 4 27:41

Oh my God, I'm surrounded by a bunch of men here.

Speaker 2 27:43

No, no, no. Let me tell you why.

Speaker 3 27:45

I'll chime in.

Navigating Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships

Speaker 1 27:45

We're not going to bash. You could say it to a woman about, about, listen, darling, listen, you know I'll go with you to the gym, or blah, blah, blah. They're going to look at you funny, man, see. So now They'll look at you funny. And then the thing about it is is that you could then sometime you just lay off and be like all right, whatever. Then you'd be like whatever.

Speaker 2 28:06

I don't feel like you should be whatever work out, I love working out, I love working out, but I've gotten lazy at some point. When it gets cold, I start making excuses oh my knees, oh it's cold, and stuff like that and then you don't go. But if the person that I'm with is like listen, you're falling off. You used to go every day. What happened? Now I'm like you know what? You damn right.

Speaker 2 28:29

I need to get back in the gym For myself. But I'm going. But I got reminded like, no, you used to really like working out, you used to really like hitting the gym. You like this.

Speaker 3 28:40

That was a great philosophy.

Speaker 4 28:41

But also you talking about you.

Speaker 3 28:42

See, you're very receptive to that type of thing you have to be.

Speaker 4 28:50

But, even in friendships, even when you have a friendship, we have less. We have less social pressure than women. Us as men, we have less social pressure, so I can understand the overwhelming amount of social pressure women have. So it makes you sensitive. Sometimes, even when our delivery is right, it's still hard to digest because. So even in a friendship where there's communication I'm a piggyback on what Sterl said you could initiate it as a man. I think the best step is to initiate as a man by not verbalizing, maybe falling off, because we just can't do that. You are somebody that can handle that.

Speaker 4 29:29

Whatever, because you, you're here with three dudes and you're holding your own.

Speaker 3 29:33

So we know that. But I mean yeah, exactly, you're a guy's girl, you're a guy's girl, you guys girls.

Speaker 4 29:42

there's a lot less guy's girls than girl's girls.

Speaker 2 29:45

Well, I would love for my man to tell me, listen, you're getting too fat.

Speaker 4 29:49

Listen, come on, you can handle that so delivery is important.

Speaker 2 29:52

I like what you did it this way. I like what you do.

Speaker 3 29:54

All right, let's work that out. Not everybody can handle that we're trying to get to the work they can't handle, see, action is more important.

Speaker 4 30:00

So, action is more important, like you said. Those are the steps, I think, as men, when we're in a relationship now and we feel things aren't going our way, instead of just verbalizing it, taking action is what we should do? I feel like that's being funny hey wake up, let's go work out.

Speaker 3 30:14

Let's go. Hey, we're going to go jogging.

Speaker 2 30:16

Let's go walk around the track yeah, I'll tell you a horror story about somebody I know right.

Speaker 4 30:21

So even with that, he thought he was in a good relationship. He was with this young lady. She was overweight. He got with her. They were friends. She was um. One question was she overweight when he met her? Yes, morbidly, okay, morbidly overweight. I mean a hundred and something pounds overweight. So she was on the border of physical problems. Yes, they were just friends. I watched this man walk with her on the track. For weeks. I'll be out there running, working out and and I'm like man, this dude, I'm looking at him. I don't know if there's any romantic connection, not at this point. He's on the track with her running. This woman loses a hundred pounds. And she laughed at him, laughed at him as soon as she got set.

Speaker 2 31:06

What did I just say? He never loved him in the first place.

Speaker 4 31:11

He never liked him in the first place, no, so listen listen. I don't know that to be true, but I'll tell you what we, to piggyback on what we were talking about earlier. Some people are as faithful as their options. Yeah, remember when we were talking about love? Who love you? Yeah, she might have thought she loved him, but now her options opened up.

Speaker 2 31:33

Because now she's slimming, she's looking sexy and now she's sour and now would that be insane, that's terrible but, love will love you, right.

Speaker 4 31:46

So to piggyback on love will love you.

Speaker 2 31:49

He was loving her he loved her for who she was. But then, when she realized, she had more options.

Speaker 4 31:57

She wasn't loving who loved her.

Speaker 1 31:59

That's why you gotta be vicious. You gotta be vicious.

Speaker 2 32:02

If she was standing here or she was on the front, I would say girl, you a fool. Yes, Because you know what. What you chasing after, you probably would never get again. Absolutely not, because if a man can love you when you're physically down or when you're not good.

Speaker 2 32:14

That's a man that you need to hold on to and you need to understand, because when you walk outside, I always say, when I walk outside and brothers, be like you, look good, you look good, you look good. The only good I want to hear is from a man that's dark chocolate, six, three and built, and that's the man that I'm in love with. And that's the man that I'm in love with and that's the man that makes me happy, that's the man that puts a smile on my face. All y'all are just saying whatever you want to say, because he has been there for me through up and down and bothers her, and that's the person I will stick to and I will stand hard for anytime. So that girl, she's a fool, because what you're chasing after is a moment.

Speaker 4 32:51

This is what I'm saying, what you're chasing after is a moment.

Speaker 2 32:54

That's not love.

Speaker 4 32:59

You would think love who love you. Because we're making it sound simple. That's why we're talking about this. Mind brought up, you could be settling In that particular predicament. You would think she would have loved who loved her.

Speaker 3 33:13

But when her options grew, and she probably did at that moment until her options grew, until her options grew. That's why you got to be vicious.

Speaker 1 33:21

That's why you got to be vicious. You don't have to be vicious bro.

Speaker 2 33:24

You got to no what you have to be is diligent.

Speaker 4 33:27

You have to be diligent with the person that you give your energy to, and that means beyond just a checklist of what you think you need. Right, you have to take heed to what's exactly in front of you and what is going to help you grow now, since we're speaking of checklist, we don't.

Speaker 1 33:44

We're talking about perspective as far as love and the checklist, but, like before, it's like a checklist in general, like as far as what women want and what men want. Whose checklist is more absurd?

Speaker 3 33:56

Well, korea women Korea women.

Speaker 4 34:00

Well, don't just say Korea women. There's reasons Don't just say Korea women, because it's a broad spectrum that's like a brush stroke.

Speaker 1 34:09

What do you mean by that Sterling? What do you mean?

Speaker 3 34:11

Women that have their life pre-planned from the time they're 10 years old. I'm going to graduate high school at this age. I'm going to graduate college at this age. I'm going to have my PhD at this age. I'm going to get married at this age and have three kids at this age. That's a complete checklist. Yeah that is, and how often does that actually happen?

Speaker 2 34:34

You call that artificial insemination at this point.

Speaker 3 34:39

That very rarely happens. It happens now, but without a man.

Speaker 1 34:43

What about unrealistic checklists?

Speaker 3 34:46

That's also unrealistic checklists. First of all, once you have a checklist, you're being unrealistic, that's a fact.

Speaker 2 34:52

Man or woman who has a checklist. You're being unrealistic. That's a fact.

Speaker 3 34:53

Man or woman who has a checklist. You're being unrealistic. Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 4 34:55

Because, once again, let's look at what's right in front of us. When we create in this unrealistic expectation of who we should be with normally, we're not going to even be with that person. And if you did meet everybody on your, if you met a person that checked off every box on your checklist, you think you would be compatible with them. Because you didn't check off any box on their list.

Speaker 2 35:22

I think your relationship would not even be a relationship, because you're looking for that checklist.

Speaker 4 35:27

That would be Exactly and you might not find it and you might not feel like that checklist yeah, that's what I'm saying you won't even get along with them.

Speaker 2 35:34

That would just complicate the relationship aspect of everything.

Speaker 4 35:36

And especially it might be a hit or run.

Speaker 3 35:38

Yeah let's hear mine, let's hear mine, yeah, but look.

Speaker 1 35:46

But women, not all. They want them tall, they want them built, they want them to have paper right right sure and then and then there's times, and like a lot of times, like these women, when I'm saying absurd. They look probably like a six or seven but they want like a ten, but like, hold on you, the same guy you love, who you love you. Walk outside that guy, he looks similar to you, but no, you want to go above and beyond.

Speaker 3 36:13

But you know why they feel like a 10? Education, the degree.

Speaker 1 36:16

Nah. They talking about their heart, the way they love. That's the beauty inside. I think it's a combination of both. How do you feel?

Speaker 3 36:22

Absolutely. The degree makes them feel like they attend, Now saying nothing's wrong for women having a degree Accomplishment is when they're accomplished.

Speaker 4 36:31

See, there's a difference between man and woman. Unfortunately, this is the case when women attain high levels of success in general, monetary, education-wise they usually go hand in hand right. When they achieve a high level of success, their standards for who they want to be with is their level or above. Men normally don't care about that. They don't care. You can be an accomplished man and a successful man and go get a woman who has no education?

Speaker 1 37:10

And did graduate college and did graduate college.

Speaker 4 37:14

Less criteria there's a less criteria, I think there's less of a criteria when it comes to men. I'm not saying that in all respects, but a lot of times men think a little different than women do. When it comes to that, we do, we do 100% Go ahead, Sherri Go ahead.

Navigating Relationships Beyond Superficiality

Speaker 2 37:34

I'm not going to give the oh-oh, I'm not saying that you're wrong. I'm just saying every individual is different. Sure, that's for sure. In all fairness, all individual is different. I'm educated, I got my degrees. In all fairness, all individual is different. I'm educated, I got my degrees. I went to school, I did what I had to do. But if I talk to somebody, and I talk to people and I've dated, you don't have to be there, but you have to do something. Sure.

Speaker 4 37:59

Of course you have to do something.

Speaker 2 38:01

So, I'm maybe one or two of the few women.

Speaker 3 38:04

Exactly Of course.

Speaker 2 38:08

I'm not here to judge you, because let me tell you something Don't always come because the man is wearing a suit and he's you know this and that that he's a good man. I'd rather have you have a job, a J-O-B, you can help me. So if I have 20 and you have 20, we got 40 and we can build. I'm all about that With my degrees has nothing to do with that, because when he opens his mouth he's very smart. Maybe school wasn't his thing you know what I mean. Maybe you know going in classes and stuff wasn't his thing, but he's smart, he can hold his own and he's a provider. I'm good.

Speaker 4 38:48

Just generalizing it. We was just generalizing it, you're real.

Speaker 1 38:50

You are real, you are a diamond in the rough.

Speaker 4 38:53

We're just generalizing. This is general.

Speaker 2 38:56

I feel like you don't walk around, when you hold these men to all these expectations. Don't get mad when you fall off, because life be lifing and things can happen. Happen and your degree can mean nothing and you can have your corporate job and they can walk you out and you don't have anything. And you need that God to hold you down. And what happens if he judged you with all the degrees that you have? So I don't judge nobody. I like who I like you got a job that's all I ask of you.

Speaker 2 39:25

I don't care what your job is, but you got a job and we can make. I ask of you I don't care what your job is, but you got a job and we can make it because we can leave in a box. But if we aiming to build into a bigger box, we'll get there together. And I'm good with that.

Speaker 3 39:36

I think we're talking about the term only known as boss bitches.

Speaker 4 39:40

That's what we're talking about. We're talking about them. Just an alert and a disclaimer.

Speaker 4 39:46

The young ladies that don't make sure they're in a position to be able to financially take care of themselves are leaving themselves in a very vulnerable position by getting with men that are affluent, because you know what happens in a lot of cases she chases a high-valuing man who's successful financially, successful financially, gets with him for 20 years and then he decides he no longer wants to be in this situation because it doesn't stimulate him mentally. Right, he went with a lust factor, a young face, a pretty girl, and now they're divorced. He protected himself and she's on the street with two babies and no education. We see that happen more and more now because of those relationships that are unbalanced.

Speaker 2 40:36

But then you see that happening with females who you know they do their BBLs and they do all this I'm just saying they do their BBLs and they come in the imagery and you know, the lips is in this and the weaves along and all this, all this stuff.

Speaker 2 40:52

And because the man, you know, he likes that look, or you know, not all men, but I'm saying they like that look their brain hasn't caught up to the body, you know, they don't know how to do anything else. So now you're with him because he pays for everything and he does all this, all this stuff, and you're in the moment. But what we've seen is that after I done hit this a couple of times and I hate to be raw, so excuse me after I hit it a couple of times and I walk with you a couple of times, what else, what else can you bring to the table?

Speaker 3 41:27

What else so now?

Speaker 2 41:29

he stays with you because of the imagery. Like I like her. You know she has her freak numbers is probably 10 or whatever, so he likes that. But then he wants to get a little bit more intrigued. So now I can't take you to the company this. I can't take you here. I can't do this stuff.

Speaker 2 41:47

You can't read something you know we can, you know we can't hold a conversation, we can't even start a business, right, you cannot do anything for me. So now I'm tired of her. And then now she's left with her BBBL and her nice lips and the weave and all of that and just waiting for the next one to come along, and then you just become a bouncing ball.

Speaker 1 42:04

Yeah, but nine times out of ten. I don't think them chicks with BBLs, I don't think we don't like BBLs.

Speaker 4 42:08

first of all, they're not white for them.

Speaker 1 42:09

They're not white for them. A lot of them are now. Oh, a lot of them are white. A lot of them have brains, but they're trophies. They're trophies.

Speaker 4 42:19

They're wifey for seconds. No, they're trophies, a short term, right, yeah, okay, those looks fade, of course, you know. Okay, she's 50 with a BBL. You doing that? What? Right, if that's? The type of if you're a shallow individual that started a relationship with someone based on looks, then the relationship will be dictated because of the looks, and when those looks dwindle, you're going to get another looker well, you see people that keep going and a lot of women mimic that.

Speaker 2 42:48

Unfortunately, they mimic that look, you know what I'm saying not just ig, or you know, just tv shows, reality shows whatever a lot of women look at these females and not realizing that when the lights go off and the cameras are down, these women have issues and problems and all this other stuff, but they don't see that because they live in that illusion. So I want to be like her, I want to dress like her. I want to do this because they think they're going to go out there and get anybody that they want, or you know they. They see somebody with a big ring and they want that ring. You know, I know women that turn that ring because the guys couldn't get them. You know, a big ring.

Speaker 2 43:30

But he's doing stuff out of love.

Support and Discipline in Relationships

Speaker 1 43:32

He's not doing that out of his, you know so you know, I need to find a success story, like right now that BBL is another passing phase too.

Speaker 3 43:41

Real men doesn't like BBLs. Before we take it any further, real men out here do not like BBLs, they don't, it's exciting. At first you might want to ride a bike a few times. But after that, but when you really think about it, when you walk, around and everybody looks the same.

Speaker 2 43:59

Everybody has a skinny waist, a big butt and chicken legs, Everybody Big lips, it's just. There's no diversity, there's nobody, there's nobody that has this kind of like look, because these females think that this women, you can work out.

Speaker 3 44:16

Yes, you can work out.

Speaker 2 44:18

You can do your thing and let somebody like you for who you are. That's it, and I tell anybody if you don't like me, because I got a little stomach nigga, it's all good. Because my stomach is my stomach. I got three kids, okay, and with that I work out and I look decent and I feel like I look decent.

Speaker 1 44:39

I can't be perfect, there's no perfect thing.

Speaker 2 44:42

There's no perfect. And then remember women it tends to fade. So, just like anything else, you get the BBL. You got to keep it up, Because if you don't keep it up, it's going to start to drop. We're not going to be young forever, it's going to drop, so it's going to drop.

Speaker 3 44:57

Yeah, we live now for now in a materialistic world. That's a problem right now. I mean all of that man.

Speaker 4 45:02

There's so many shortcuts we were talking about. We started to talk about, you know, like talking to your partner and changing lifestyles to become more healthy, of course, and getting in shape, of course, that's great. There's so many shortcuts now People want to eliminate putting in hard work to get healthy.

Speaker 2 45:19

Everything is a shortcut. That's a fact A pill for this.

Speaker 4 45:22

That's a fact.

Speaker 2 45:22

A pill for that.

Speaker 4 45:23

A shot to lose weight Nobody wants to work hard. It's if you just and especially from a relationship perspective, because it's teamwork required, you could uplift each other. So I can't be in my house saying I'm about to use the air fryer and steam some vegetables and do this, and then my wife comes home with a box of Popeyes.

Speaker 2 45:44

That can't be that way. We have to be on the same page. You can't be. But I cook different in my house.

Speaker 4 45:51

Yeah, but you can't have a mate that is totally contradictory to you, especially when it's health related In order for growth.

Speaker 2 45:59

Yes, well, I can disagree, you can, I can disagree. And the only reason I say that is because I have health issues. Unfortunately, I've developed some things that has happened to me and I eat differently now, but I don't deprive anyone else from eating fried chicken or doing whatever, so I can't have fried foods.

Speaker 1 46:26

I can't have processed food. I can't have processed food.

Speaker 2 46:28

I can't have those things. I've accepted that because that's my situation, that I'm going through in life, and I thank God. I thank God almighty for blessing me, for even being able to be here. So now that I'm able to eat, or I can eat a little bit of it, I still don't do it because I know where I came from.

Speaker 4 46:46

Yeah, you still want to go back. You know what I mean, but I don't deprive.

Speaker 2 46:49

I agree with you. I don't deprive.

Speaker 4 46:51

I'm not telling you to Anyone from.

Speaker 2 46:53

I won't deprive him from eating a fried chicken. He'll eat a fried chicken and I'm having steamed fish.

Speaker 4 46:58

That's not what I'm saying. I understand that completely. Saying is I'm not saying deprive people of that, but I mean, if I'm in a relationship with you, for instance, and now your dietary restrictions have come apart, I'm not saying I'll never do it, but I can't. If you're having a time, there's some you have to join somewhat. You can't be like okay, my mate is just going to be eating healthy like this and I'm just going to be eating bullshit all the time, because it's counterproductive as far as I'm concerned.

Speaker 2 47:30

Well, you just say I'm one of a kind because that stuff don't bother me. It's a level of discipline, though.

Speaker 1 47:37

For me when I went on my healthy journey to lose weight, to lose 30 something pounds.

Speaker 1 47:43

I was at a point where, like, look, listen, the doctor told me look, you got to lose weight. Man, you got to lose weight. And I'm like. I went home, told my fiance what I'm going to do, and I didn't expect her to join with me, and I said, and then, one of the major things I had to do, I had to stop drinking. So I said so first I stopped, I changed my diet first, then I added the stop drinking part, but I did my thing separately. I had to weigh my meat and stuff. Like, oh pause, I had to, I had to, I had to, I had to. That was crazy.

Speaker 1 48:19

But as far as that, you had to make proportion, portion control on certain things. And, um, she and her and my daughter and my stepson, they was eating regular and this happened for like two and a half months or two, three months, and I don't mind like even right now when I'm eating, eat healthy and she does what she want to do, or even vice versa, I want to eat bad and she'll eat healthy, but, um, it's not.

Speaker 2 48:43

I don't depend on somebody to help to make me do this, right, right, you got to do it too.

Speaker 1 48:46

Because when you go to the doctors, you Right, right you stand out. And at that point I lost 38 pounds. I lost 38 pounds, I gained back, like you know, 10. But it was something that I did by myself, sure. It's on you but if you think, if you had that support, it would have been easier.

Speaker 2 49:03

That's what I'm saying no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 49:05

It would. Of course, it would have been easy if you had that support. That's all I'm saying. I didn't have. You see, there's a difference between no, I'm not saying you had it.

Speaker 3 49:11

But if you had it, she supported you and it would have been easier.

Speaker 1 49:22

What do you mean by support, iont? This is what you need to do. I'll cut the meat for you Support. I don't want her to do the same thing I'm doing. No, you don't have to, you guys talking about something very specific, right.

Speaker 4 49:34

Health concerns is different for a change in, let's say, diet and exercise. But if it's somebody who's just saying I want to change the imagery, who I am and I want to lose 100 pounds, that's a whole different story, because that's by choice, it's not by necessity.

Speaker 2 49:51

I think your partner can support you in different ways you don't necessarily totally make that point and, and I agree, I feel like you can't support in different ways you know if, if you know, sometimes you know like you could come and say let's have a drink, but you know that she can't drink or he can't drink.

Speaker 2 50:09

You're going to be like babe, you know what I know you can't have a drink. You know what I mean. You know I'm going to make you something different, you know. So it's different ways, people, you know there's different ways people can help you, they can go with you to maybe to the grocery store or look up different meal ideas and stuff away. So support is a different way. As long as you have that support it does make a difference.

Speaker 4 50:31

At the end of the day it does make a difference to know that that person is supportive.

Speaker 3 50:36

Like I want to eat fried chicken in front of you, knowing that you're going through it. That's just me, you understand. I'll hide and eat the fried chicken, but listen hold on. Hold on hold on hold on Y'all talking about support.

Speaker 1 50:48

You know I don't drink, and y'all drink in front of me.

Speaker 4 50:50

I'm joking. We're supporting the podcast.

Speaker 3 50:54

I'm joking, you know. Y'all messing with my sobriety. Y'all messing with my sobriety.

Speaker 1 50:59

Y'all messing with my sobriety, but no.

Speaker 3 51:01

I'm.

Speaker 1 51:02

I mean support comes in many different forms.

Speaker 4 51:05

Yeah, you know Right, there's no challenge, and I think that's my problem. Honestly, now we're going to touch about my issue. When I'm going through something, you better write Right now Message. No, she knows, she's like. You know, it's a little bit different. I guess that's where we were having this discussion off camera before and unfortunately, you know, I like to pride myself on not being somebody that's totally chauvinistic, but I am the man in my marriage and I am. That comes with leadership as far as I'm concerned. That's how I am that comes with leadership.

Speaker 4 51:47

As far as I'm concerned, that's how I am. So in my home, if the leader is leading in a certain way and this is not a totalitarian regime or dictatorship, but I lead by example as well I don't just tell you something. So if I'm saying you know what, I'm about to change my diet, I'm not expecting her to cook that food. I'm going to go in the kitchen and be like, hey, this is what I cook for us and I'm going to make sure it tastes good. But I'm going to take the steps to now, even though this is the direction I want to go, I'm doing it in a leadership way, with action, not just words, Right?

Speaker 3 52:28

So I guess in some respects I'm like yo, that's the chauvinistic part of me, and it's a little selfish too. It's a little selfish too when you said make it sure it tastes good. It might not taste good to her.

Speaker 1 52:37

It tastes good to anybody. Well, this has been a good episode, y'all.

Speaker 3 52:42

Very good episode, man.

Speaker 1 52:44

We touched on a lot of things, no ditty but yeah, this was a very good show, man, and my part was for the new year. We have a new year coming up, man. I'm just trying to get past this year right here, man, and it's been very, very, very, very A lot happened this year that I'm not. You know I'm not happy with man. It's kind of I just can't wait for the new year to start. But I said that the year before and then look what happened. So let me just be quiet and just focus on health and making sure that you know love, love who love you, right, love who loves you. You know, I thank y'all and you know this is your opinion, it doesn't matter. Podcast and Sherri-Ann Sterling Lem. What's your parting words? If you have any, sherri-ann, it's on you.

Speaker 2 53:35

So my parting words is as we transition into a new year, I have a big surgery coming up, so I'm asking the almighty father to guide me.

Speaker 3 53:49

I pray as a witch. You know that.

Speaker 2 53:51

Protect me through that.

Speaker 3 53:53

Absolutely.

Speaker 2 53:54

And also a lot has happened for 2024. I'm so grateful to be here and so grateful to be, you know, amongst the living and so grateful to be, you know, amongst the living. But I'm also taking with me for the new year, me and keeping me to me. I love the place that I am with a very special person in my life and I'm learning to grow. It doesn't matter of my age. I've learned a lot of things and I like the new me. I like the woman that I am becoming into Doesn't matter of my age, but age came with wisdom time.

Speaker 2 54:34

So I'll tell all the listeners out there whatever you're going through in life, take a time out for you, live for you and your life will become better. So I pray that 2025 bring us all closer, that we find whatever we need to, and I hope that the listeners please listen and share and you know, talk about these things and you know be more in tune to us, because I feel like we bring a lot of interesting topics out here and I learn from you guys with your feedback. So I hope 25 brings bigger and better things for this gentleman here, a great man that I've met through Searle and has very interesting topics and brings a lot of things to the community. So that is what I hope, and I hope you guys listen and love this show as well, because I enjoy I actually enjoy this one very well.

New Year Blessings and Positivity

Speaker 3 55:28

Well said, sis. Well said yes. Yes, I'm going to talk about the new year too. I'm going to reflect back on 2024. There was a lot of uncertainty, a lot of sadness, a lot of sadness. Um, my mom got sick and was diagnosed with uh Alzheimer's this year. So it's a struggle going on right now, but she has a lot of support. She's staying strong. We also lost our family pet, her baby Spunky. You know, I'm saying my mom loved that dog, but then she's gone. But then, as we move into 2025, I'm a little apprehensive because last year was so, again, unpredictable. I'm not sure what I'm stepping into, but I do stand here and I give the lord all the glory for the health and strength and make me be here in order to see another day and for the, the strength, my family and those that I love, my and in 2025, I just could hope and wish for the best. Thank you, yes.

Speaker 4 56:29

Wow, that's a lot to follow up upon With the new year coming up. I mean, this was a tough year for us all. It's just to piggyback on everyone else. But the great thing is that we are here and I'm grateful to be here, grateful to embark on this new journey that we're embarking on now, and just the positivity in this room alone from this first collaborative podcast. Many more to come.

Speaker 2 57:02

Yeah, I can just tell the future is bright.

Speaker 4 57:04

Yes, right, you know. And once again, we still have health, we're still here. Yeah, we're still of the living, so we can always, we have another day to become better.

Speaker 2 57:16

Yes.

Speaker 4 57:16

Become better. Amen, and my prayers are with you, sis. Everything God is good and everything is going to be good for you, Of course, and going forward for the new year health, wealth and prosperity To everybody.

Speaker 1 57:30

Nice, nice, nice. Bless you. Yes, and this is the your Opinion Doesn't Matter podcast, and we are outie.

Speaker 2 57:37

Peace, peace.